IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Over sugar consumption is unhealthy. Some people think that governments should take responsibility to control it. Others think that individuals should take responsibility of sugar intake. Discuss both the views and give your opinion?

#sugar #consumption #people #governments #responsibility #control #individuals #intake
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Undoubtedly, the over-utilization of refined sugar in our diets has detrimental effects on our bodies as has been proved by scientists and physicians. While some individuals consider
this
Linking Words
 is the duty of officials to handle
this
Linking Words
 problem, others,
however
Linking Words
, believe
this
Linking Words
 is the responsibility of the public to decrease the number of sweets they have been using it. As a starting point, many opinions consider
this
Linking Words
 issue should be tackled by authorities by different approaches.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they could entitle the companies to put health warnings on their carbohydrate packages similar to those which put on cigarette packets. Not only that step will inform citizens about the possible threats of use over sugar but
also
Linking Words
 it will deter many of them from purchasing them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they suggest that the government should organize health-warning campaigns to educate the public about the harmful effects of using
this
Linking Words
 health-damaging element.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a lot of people think
this
Linking Words
 is the responsibility of the person himself to take control of the over-consumption of sugary products. They argue that many cases could consume large amounts of sweets without being affected or harmed. In my opinion, I believe is the task of the government to ensure that its citizens are in healthy situations.
For instance
Linking Words
, diabetic and pre-diabetic patients could have severe repercussions on their health if they use too many carbohydrates. To conclude, one of the main objects of our government is to maintain healthy lifestyles for people.
Hence
Linking Words
, it has to introduce procedures to inform folk about the deleterious impact of consuming too much sugar in their diet
Submitted by abdalla_bekheet on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: