Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Nowadays, people are too obsessed with buying or acquiring material things such as expensive clothes or cars because, they think that people around them will judge them based on what they possess.

Without a shadow of a doubt,
people
’s opinions can exert influence on individuals.
However
, an unanswered question in
this
area is whether today’s
people
pay
a
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high attention
about
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to
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others who judge them
according
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toaccording
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their appearance or humans are not concerned about
people
’s standpoint about what they
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possess
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posses
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possess
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and have. When it comes to me, it is my firm conviction that in
this
modern era,
people
pay a
lot
of attention
on
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to
show examples
others’
viewpoint
Fix the agreement mistake
viewpoints
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about their acquirement and
possessions
. To support
this
idea, there are several reasons, two of which are going to be aptly substantiated in the following paragraphs.
First
and foremost, the crux of the matter lies in the fact that with the advance of technology
people
want to show off themselves on social media and are impacted by others’
point
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points
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of
views
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view
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. Since technology generation provides a network in which mankind can be aware
about
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of
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others' lives, including their lifestyle, habits, clothes,
possessions
, to name but a few.
Hence
, human beings try to show themselves in the best ways, and there is a virtual competition in social media, especially Instagram that makes
every one
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everyone
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to
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apply
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care
a
lot
about their appearance and their acquirement to show themselves better than their peers, companions, and followers. In fact,
people
try to introduce themselves as dominant individuals who are in a high class than others, and they are struggling in
this
ever-increasing
competitions
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competition
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..
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.
...
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Had not the technology advanced in
this
extant,
people
’s would be more
in
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at
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ease about others’ judgements. Another prominent motive to be mentioned is that today’s
people
have more tendencies to have a luxurious lifestyle which stems from their concern about others’ opinions and judgment about their lives. To shed more light on the matter, nowadays
people
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are incline
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incline
Wrong verb form
inclined
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to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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elaborated and high-tech
possessions
,
for example
, having a luxury house and cars in comparison to the past
people
who did not
care
about having a complex acquirement. Because
,
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apply
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people
who were living in the past found their happiness in their simple lifestyles without engaging themselves in being
worry
Wrong verb form
worried
show examples
about others’
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
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. To put it in a more vivid picture, take my father’s experience as a convincing example. When my father tells about his memory, he always mentions that in the past,
people
just pay attention to
have
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having
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a happy life by having good companions.
On the contrary
, he has experienced a completely different lifestyle in
this
complicated
word
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world
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, where we are living. Indeed, he thinks
people
are nowadays more anxious about what they have and what they wear since they
care
a
lot
about other ones’ standpoint rather than having a happy life. Reflecting upon all the aforementioned reasons, one soon realizes that nowadays
people
care
a
lot
about others’ opinions and judgments of their
possessions
;
thus
, they try to have splendid things. It is highly recommended to conduct a survey to gain insight into others’ points of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
about
this
idea.
Submitted by ghalandarzadeh74 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • material wealth
  • social media influence
  • advertising
  • high-end products
  • better lifestyle
  • peer pressure
  • societal norms
  • luxury items
  • financial strain
  • personal growth
  • temporary satisfaction
  • long-term happiness
  • fulfillment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: