IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Nowadays, people are too obsessed with buying or acquiring material things such as expensive clothes or cars because, they think that people around them will judge them based on what they possess.

#people #clothes #cars #judge
Without a shadow of a doubt,
people
’s opinions can exert influence on individuals.
However
, an unanswered question in
this
 area is whether today’s
people
 pay
a
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apply
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high attention
about
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to
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 others who judge them
according
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toaccording
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 their appearance or humans are not concerned about
people
’s standpoint about what they
Correct your spelling
possess
show examples
posses
Correct your spelling
possess
show examples
 and have. When it comes to me, it is my firm conviction that in
this
 modern era,
people
 pay a
lot
 of attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 others’
viewpoint
Fix the agreement mistake
viewpoints
show examples
 about their acquirement and
possessions
. To support
this
 idea, there are several reasons, two of which are going to be aptly substantiated in the following paragraphs.
First
 and foremost, the crux of the matter lies in the fact that with the advance of technology
people
 want to show off themselves on social media and are impacted by others’
point
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points
show examples
 of
views
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view
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. Since technology generation provides a network in which mankind can be aware
about
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of
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 others' lives, including their lifestyle, habits, clothes,
possessions
, to name but a few.
Hence
, human beings try to show themselves in the best ways, and there is a virtual competition in social media, especially Instagram that makes
every one
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everyone
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to
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apply
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care
 a
lot
 about their appearance and their acquirement to show themselves better than their peers, companions, and followers. In fact,
people
 try to introduce themselves as dominant individuals who are in a high class than others, and they are struggling in
this
 ever-increasing
competitions
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competition
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..
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.
...
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 Had not the technology advanced in
this
 extant,
people
’s would be more
in
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at
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 ease about others’ judgements. Another prominent motive to be mentioned is that today’s
people
 have more tendencies to have a luxurious lifestyle which stems from their concern about others’ opinions and judgment about their lives. To shed more light on the matter, nowadays
people
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are incline
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incline
Wrong verb form
inclined
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 to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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elaborated and high-tech
possessions
,
for example
, having a luxury house and cars in comparison to the past
people
 who did not
care
 about having a complex acquirement. Because
,
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apply
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people
 who were living in the past found their happiness in their simple lifestyles without engaging themselves in being
worry
Wrong verb form
worried
show examples
 about others’
view
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views
show examples
. To put it in a more vivid picture, take my father’s experience as a convincing example. When my father tells about his memory, he always mentions that in the past,
people
 just pay attention to
have
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having
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 a happy life by having good companions.
On the contrary
, he has experienced a completely different lifestyle in
this
 complicated
word
Correct your spelling
world
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, where we are living. Indeed, he thinks
people
 are nowadays more anxious about what they have and what they wear since they
care
 a
lot
 about other ones’ standpoint rather than having a happy life. Reflecting upon all the aforementioned reasons, one soon realizes that nowadays
people
care
 a
lot
 about others’ opinions and judgments of their
possessions
;
thus
, they try to have splendid things. It is highly recommended to conduct a survey to gain insight into others’ points of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 about
this
 idea.
Submitted by ghalandarzadeh74 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • material wealth
  • social media influence
  • advertising
  • high-end products
  • better lifestyle
  • peer pressure
  • societal norms
  • luxury items
  • financial strain
  • personal growth
  • temporary satisfaction
  • long-term happiness
  • fulfillment
What to do next:
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