IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to comsume less sugar.

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Food industrial
companies
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 produce numerous
foods
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 and
drinks
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 which contain a high measure of
sugar
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, which cause
of
Change preposition
apply
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unhealthy reasons and problems. The author believes that sugary
Companies
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 have to be made more tax on their
products
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 to encourage consumers to consume less
sugar
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.
Firstly
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, In point of my view, I disagree with
this
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 reason.
On the other hand
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,
that is
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 not
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 well way to encourage
people
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 to consume less
sugar
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 in their daily meals and
foods
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. As we know that right if a person wants to buy
sugar
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 made
foods
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 or
drinks
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, nobody and no reason can stop him or herself.
Secondly
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, The essential way to encourage customers to consume fewer
sugar
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products
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 might be to give them gifts.
For instance
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, if they buy sugarless
foods
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 or
drinks
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, they can achieve an opportunity to pay less tax during their age or governments encourage their
people
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 to buy diet
foods
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 and
drinks
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.
Finally
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, when many
companies
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 understand that they can change their
products
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, they can improve their ability to decline
sugar
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 in their
products
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. Nowadays
people
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 want to be healthy and get fit. When sugary
products
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 have to be made more expensive, they can not sell their
products
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 to
people
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,
therefore
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, their employees will be fired.
That is
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 another issue for governments and their societies, so the best way to encourage
companies
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 for
this
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 action, to reduce their taxes and give them enormous loans with %0 interest. To conclude
this
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 essay,
However
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 health of
people
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 is important but jobs of
people
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 are more important than their health.

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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