IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #governments #support #artists #painters #musicians #alternative #sources
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 state that governments are responsible for creative artists in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of financial assistance. Meanwhile, others assert that
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
 industry should be financially supported by other sources. Personally, I
agree
Add the preposition
onagree
toagree
withagree
show examples
 both views. On the one hand, individuals think that the administration
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a responsibility for providing capital for the art industry.
Firstly
Linking Words
, art activities directly contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human life, which in turn makes
people
Use synonyms
 more positive and happier.
For example
Linking Words
, if they see a
magnificient
Correct your spelling
magnificent
 picture, they will be more comfortable or forget the unpleasant things.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others say that the
people
Use synonyms
 who are interested in the latter should donate some money to support
artists’activities
Correct your spelling
artists activities
. The
first
Linking Words
 reason is that
state’s
Correct article usage
the state’s
show examples
 money could be used for the improvement of nationals
such
Linking Words
 as scientific problems,
people
Use synonyms
's health or education. So alternative sources should be considered.
For example
Linking Words
, education should be received more financial allowances to upgrade the quality of the learning process or enhance school facilities. It is important for the future of the country.
Moreover
Linking Words
, authorities should research for
discovery
Add an article
the discovery
show examples
 of new medication against terminal illness since a great number of
people
Use synonyms
 die
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
this
Linking Words
 ailment every year. Another reason for
this
Linking Words
 opinion is that artists do a job like any other professional,
therefore
Linking Words
, they should earn their own money by selling their works. In sum, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 believe that government should
be fund
Change the verb form
be funding
be funded
show examples
 the sectors which are essential for the population because there are many sources of funding
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 creative artists.
Submitted by Thanh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: