Many people spend a lot of money on clothes, haircuts, and beauty products to enhance their appearance. Some people think that it is a good way to spend money, while others think that there is a better way to spend it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is argued whether spending
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
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budget on gaining a good
appearance
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through clothing, hairstyles and cosmetic products is beneficial or
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people
Correct word choice
whether people
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should allocate their
money
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in other better ways.
Although
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expenditure on enhancing one’s physical attractiveness is worth it, I am still more convinced that it would be better if
people
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channel their financial budget into other useful purposes. On the one hand, some
people
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advocate the view that it is necessary for everyone to spend
money
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on fashion, haircuts and beauty products since having an attractive look can give
people
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more confidence and good chances in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. In fact,
people
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nowadays are living in a world full of judgements and prejudices, so those with a beautiful or handsome face and a personal style of clothes and haircuts can easily leave good impressions on others.
This
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can be exemplified by an interview that one’s outside
appearance
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can be one of the most impressive things with recruiters.
Besides
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, with good preparation in terms of outfits and
look
Correct subject-verb agreement
looks
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, candidates can express themselves in a confident and unique way, which brings them a higher possibility of being employed.
On the other hand
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, I hold a firm belief that
people
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had better allocate their
money
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for other purposes on account of several reasons. First of all, I strongly believe that when
people
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put too much emphasis on enhancing their
appearance
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, they are likely to be more materialistic. To be more specific, they can be obsessed and pressured by trying to appear with the perfect look.
As a result
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, they can become fashion slaves and make impulsive purchases
on
Change preposition
of
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clothes or cosmetics products.
Instead
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, they can use their
money
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for self-development
through
Change preposition
by
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registering for a new skill course or
going
Verb problem
apply
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travelling to other countries,
for example
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. By doing so, they can expand their knowledge, gain hands-on experiences and have great opportunities to enjoy their life, which seems to be a good value for
money
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. In conclusion, I cannot deny the importance of investing
money
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in improving
people
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’s
appearance
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, yet I still strongly support the view that there are better ways for
people
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to spend their budget and gain more significant benefits in terms of self-improvement.
Submitted by tungpns1811 on

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coherence and cohesion
Well-balanced presentation of both views with clear examples.
task achievement
Clear position and effectively addressed both views.
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