Many people spend a lot of money on clothes, haircuts, and beauty products to enhance their appearance. Some people think that it is a good way to spend money, while others think that there is a better way to spend it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is argued whether spending
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
show examples
budget on gaining a good
appearance
through clothing, hairstyles and cosmetic products is beneficial or
people
Correct word choice
whether people
show examples
should allocate their
money
in other better ways.
Although
expenditure on enhancing one’s physical attractiveness is worth it, I am still more convinced that it would be better if
people
channel their financial budget into other useful purposes. On the one hand, some
people
advocate the view that it is necessary for everyone to spend
money
on fashion, haircuts and beauty products since having an attractive look can give
people
more confidence and good chances in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In fact,
people
nowadays are living in a world full of judgements and prejudices, so those with a beautiful or handsome face and a personal style of clothes and haircuts can easily leave good impressions on others.
This
can be exemplified by an interview that one’s outside
appearance
can be one of the most impressive things with recruiters.
Besides
, with good preparation in terms of outfits and
look
Correct subject-verb agreement
looks
show examples
, candidates can express themselves in a confident and unique way, which brings them a higher possibility of being employed.
On the other hand
, I hold a firm belief that
people
had better allocate their
money
for other purposes on account of several reasons. First of all, I strongly believe that when
people
put too much emphasis on enhancing their
appearance
, they are likely to be more materialistic. To be more specific, they can be obsessed and pressured by trying to appear with the perfect look.
As a result
, they can become fashion slaves and make impulsive purchases
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
clothes or cosmetics products.
Instead
, they can use their
money
for self-development
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
registering for a new skill course or
going
Verb problem
apply
show examples
travelling to other countries,
for example
. By doing so, they can expand their knowledge, gain hands-on experiences and have great opportunities to enjoy their life, which seems to be a good value for
money
. In conclusion, I cannot deny the importance of investing
money
in improving
people
’s
appearance
, yet I still strongly support the view that there are better ways for
people
to spend their budget and gain more significant benefits in terms of self-improvement.
Submitted by tungpns1811 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Well-balanced presentation of both views with clear examples.
task achievement
Clear position and effectively addressed both views.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: