One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages.

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #outweigh

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

this

revolutionized world, the development of

medicine

is leading to a rise in the life expectancy of

people

. Personally,

although

medical care can produce more pros for the public to fight infections by giving antibodies, the progress in

medicine

can be the main culprit of falling the budget of the

government

. These days, technological development is offering invaluable outcomes for the lives of

people

in different realms, and more attention is given to

medicine

with the rise of the average age of individuals. Some high-tech companies can supply a variety of medical tools that have the power to prolong our lives and stand against health-related issues with special care.

As a result

, the improvement of

medicine

could find a cure for some incurable diseases, meaning that

people

no longer need to suffer from aches caused by diseases

such

as cancer, white blood cells, and diabetes, providing a chance to avoid death and being disabled forever.

Therefore

, modern medical treatment can yield not only extra years to live but simultaneously affect the ability to stay powerful against incurable and potential future infections.

However

, there are disadvantages to progress in

medicine

for the

government

as well. Having special zones, expensive machines, and drugs often requires dealing with financial strain.

In other words

, most

government

offices are suffering not only in terms of the provision of medical services in every corner of a country but

also

in terms of the need for medical equipment. As long as the

government

can afford to buy them, the mortality rate is another challenge that it has to deal with. Because the decrease in mortality rate

due to

well-prepared surgeries can come with a requirement for a retirement fee, the

government

might face serious money-related problems, which may affect other realms negatively.

Ultimatly

Correct your spelling

Ultimately

, Expensive tools and pensions for

people

who are unable to support the

government

financially may result in unnecessary expenses, leading to a wholly unnecessary waste of money. So, improved medical service might bring additional waste in terms of money. In conclusion,

although

medicine

can help us enjoy a healthy lifestyle, it usually requires additional money, which I think has to be directed to other fields efficiently.

Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Wed Jul 31 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Ensure that each main idea is fully developed before moving on to the next point. For example, you could elaborate more on how specific medical advancements have increased life expectancy.

coherence cohesion

Try to use topic sentences and concluding sentences more effectively to clearly define the start and end of each paragraph. This will help improve the overall logical structure and flow of your essay.

task achievement

Use more concrete examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention specific medical technologies or policies that have contributed to increased life expectancy and their impact on government budgets.

coherence cohesion

Maintain consistent tense and subject-verb agreement throughout the essay to improve readability and coherence.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good framework for your arguments.

task achievement

You address both sides of the argument and provide reasons and examples to support your points, which shows a balanced approach.

coherence cohesion

Your vocabulary is varied and used effectively to explain your ideas, adding depth to your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

363 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
While recruiting a new employee, the employer should pay more attantion to their personal qualities, rather than qualifications and experience. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Employers consider many factors when hiring new staff. Some argue that personal traits of a potential employee are more important than their qualifications and experience. I tend to disagree.
7
band
Many people say that we have developed into a “throw-away” culture, because we are filling up our environment with so many plastic bags and rubbish that we cannot fully dispose of. To what extent do you agree with this opinion and what measures can you recommend reducing this problem ?
It is undeniable that a "throw-away" culture has resulted in huge amount of plastic waste across the world, and that the intensity of this problem can be reduced by adopting a number of solutions, as will now be discussed.
<4
band
Many people lose their income due to CoVid19 pandemic. What solution that can do by government or individual to overcome this problem.
In modren world, an expensives are growing day by day, during Covid19 situation emplyee feeling unemployeed due to their lack of jobs. I will discuss how to overcome this problem in upcoming paragraphs.
7
band
All cars that burn fossil fuels should be banned and electric cars should replace them. Do you agree or disagree?
It is often argued that people are encouraged to switch their traditional fuel-oil cars to modern cars with electric power sources. I strongly agree with the statement because fossil material are considered as non-renewable natural resources on the earth also the effect of burned oil on vehicles can produce a lot of air pollution instead the electric ones.
5
band
The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In average, the regular people's health might be lower in the future, compared to the people's health level currently. I believe that this opinion is logically true because the advancement of food and technology can affect the biological molecules and cells.

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

While recruiting a new employee, the employer should pay more attantion to their personal qualities, rather than qualifications and experience. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people say that we have developed into a “throw-away” culture, because we are filling up our environment with so many plastic bags and rubbish that we cannot fully dispose of. To what extent do you agree with this opinion and what measures can you recommend reducing this problem ?

Many people lose their income due to CoVid19 pandemic. What solution that can do by government or individual to overcome this problem.

All cars that burn fossil fuels should be banned and electric cars should replace them. Do you agree or disagree?

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.