One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages.
In
this
revolutionized world, the development of medicine
is leading to a rise in the life expectancy of people
. Personally, although
medical care can produce more pros for the public to fight infections by giving antibodies, the progress in medicine
can be the main culprit of falling the budget of the government
.
These days, technological development is offering invaluable outcomes for the lives of people
in different realms, and more attention is given to medicine
with the rise of the average age of individuals. Some high-tech companies can supply a variety of medical tools that have the power to prolong our lives and stand against health-related issues with special care. As a result
, the improvement of medicine
could find a cure for some incurable diseases, meaning that people
no longer need to suffer from aches caused by diseases such
as cancer, white blood cells, and diabetes, providing a chance to avoid death and being disabled forever. Therefore
, modern medical treatment can yield not only extra years to live but simultaneously affect the ability to stay powerful against incurable and potential future infections.
However
, there are disadvantages to progress in medicine
for the government
as well. Having special zones, expensive machines, and drugs often requires dealing with financial strain. In other words
, most government
offices are suffering not only in terms of the provision of medical services in every corner of a country but also
in terms of the need for medical equipment. As long as the government
can afford to buy them, the mortality rate is another challenge that it has to deal with. Because the decrease in mortality rate due to
well-prepared surgeries can come with a requirement for a retirement fee, the government
might face serious money-related problems, which may affect other realms negatively. Ultimatly
,
Expensive tools and pensions for Correct your spelling
Ultimately
people
who are unable to support the government
financially may result in unnecessary expenses, leading to a wholly unnecessary waste of money. So, improved medical service might bring additional waste in terms of money.
In conclusion, although
medicine
can help us enjoy a healthy lifestyle, it usually requires additional money, which I think has to be directed to other fields efficiently.Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on
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task achievement
Ensure that each main idea is fully developed before moving on to the next point. For example, you could elaborate more on how specific medical advancements have increased life expectancy.
coherence cohesion
Try to use topic sentences and concluding sentences more effectively to clearly define the start and end of each paragraph. This will help improve the overall logical structure and flow of your essay.
task achievement
Use more concrete examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention specific medical technologies or policies that have contributed to increased life expectancy and their impact on government budgets.
coherence cohesion
Maintain consistent tense and subject-verb agreement throughout the essay to improve readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good framework for your arguments.
task achievement
You address both sides of the argument and provide reasons and examples to support your points, which shows a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
Your vocabulary is varied and used effectively to explain your ideas, adding depth to your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example