IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people are now opting to provide technology companies with their personal data in exchange for access to the software. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages.

#people #technology #companies #data #exchange #access #software #outweigh
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In the modern ,era everyone is going to depend on vast technology.Technology
companies
Use synonyms
 develop
operating
Add an article
an operating
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 system
that is
Linking Words
 helpful for an individual in their daily routine
life
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.Some segment of
people
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 gives their personal material, in ,exchange they get
connection
Replace the word
connected
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 to the
software
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.It could be harmful to an individual's personal
life
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 and for national security as well.Its disadvantages are more than advantages,which is going to explain in the upcoming paragraphs.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost,
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
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 nowadays very much rely on modern technology.
People
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 are ready to give their important personal data to
Add an article
the association
an association
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association
Fix the agreement mistake
associations
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 to get
Correct article usage
an
show examples
approach to numerous
software
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.After getting the data these firms sold it to
telecom
Correct article usage
the telecom
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 team and to
other manufacturing club
Change the wording
another manufacturing club
other manufacturing clubs
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.It might be possible that instruction will be used by some terrorist groups,which could be quite challenging for national security.
For instance
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,Facebook,Whatsapp,Google
Linking Words
such
Add a missing verb
are such
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 types of messenger
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
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 always ask your private identity before accessing the
software
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.When they have achieved the data they used it and sell it to some other firms without knowing the background of the club,Some terrorist groups follow the
companies
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 and start creating threats for the country or many
crowd
Change to a plural noun
crowds
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.
On the other hand
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,it is good from some other perspective,in today's machinery era
people
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 don't have enough time to spend on a single activity.They focused to become multi-task.
Software
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 always gives ease to them to achieve their goals.If
people
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 carefully provide personal information to
companies
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,It would be more efficient.For ,example Google maps help the community to know the way on the roads.It makes
life
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 easier,a man has no need to remember the ways. In the conclusion, It is true that
companies
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 demand personal information
then
Linking Words
 they provide access to
software
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,which could be halting your personal and social
life
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.on the other ,hand it gives a number of facilities which leads to the success of human
life
Use synonyms
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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