IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

International tourism has brought enormous benefit to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the enviroment. Do the disadvantages of International tourism outweight the advantages?

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Whilst it is believed that globalization has provided dozens of new
tourism
Use synonyms
-related opportunities for many
countries
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 around the world, implications
such
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 as mass immigration and pollution are causing a salient concern for the locals.
However
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, I think the positive payback of
tourism
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 will shadow its drawbacks in total. The first eminent benefit of
tourism
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 is the amount of additional revenue generated by those
countries
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due to
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 touristic activities. The
tourism
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 field constitutes a major part of the annual gross domestic product of some
countries
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 like Turkiye, France, and Greece where the
tourism
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 sector contributes 10% of the annual revenue,
thus
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 lifting up the economies of these
countries
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.
Besides
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 contributing to a country's budget,
tourism
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 increases the diversity of certain regions without disrupting the pristine condition of the surroundings.
For example
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, alongside monetary value, tourists may
also
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 bring cultural
as well as
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 ethnic diversities to wherever they travel. Despite these advantages,
tourism
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 can
also
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 be viewed as a formidable threat by certain people who are
also
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 proponents of conservative values, but
also
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 some evident reasons occurring in the World. It is worth noting that not every
tourist
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 is tidy and precautious enough to clean up before leaving the
tourist
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 destinations. Especially in France, areas adjacent to the Eiffel Tower are heavily polluted by tourists, ultimately impeding
tourist
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 activities. Another issue with
tourism
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 has started recently and it turned out as an unbearable weight for certain first-world
countries
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.
For instance
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, dozens of people with
tourist
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 visas are travelling around the world to apply for immigration. Since the
tourism
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 sector is spoiled with an easier visa application, people without a proper background can now enter the
countries
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 and
consequently
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, bring about disruptions in the demographics of
countries
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 like Canada and Germany. In conclusion,
although
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 international
tourism
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 is infamous for being the reason behind uncontrolled migrations
as well as
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 pollution of
tourist
Use synonyms
 destinations, I contend that its positive impact on local economies, reputation, and cultural diversities of
countries
Use synonyms
 is paramount and outweighs its drawbacks.

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task achievement
Your essay presents arguments for both sides of the issue, which is commendable. However, the response could be more fully developed by expanding on each point with further detail and examples, which would better illustrate and support your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is fairly clear, but the transition between ideas could be smoother. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful. Ensure that your thesis statement in the introduction is clear and directly addresses the question, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points made throughout the essay without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
You've included relevant examples to support your main points, but they could be more specific and directly linked to the impacts on local inhabitants and the environment. Use concrete statistics, studies, or cases that clearly demonstrate the advantages and disadvantages of international tourism.
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