IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

An increasing number of children have become hooked on fat food and aerated drinks that do not provide much nutrition. This poor diet has led to a rise in obesity among children. What are the problems that are associated with obesity in children and what steps could be taken to prevent it?

#children #food #drinks #nutrition #diet #rise #obesity #steps
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, the number of
children
Use synonyms
 who consume low nutrition
food
Use synonyms
 and drinks is higher.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 problems and suggest some solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue. The
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
show examples
over consumption
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
show examples
 of
Replace the word
fatty
show examples
fat
Correct your spelling
fast
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 in
children
Use synonyms
 may lead to many problems.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they will have self-conscious after getting an effect. To illustrate, teenagers will gain more weight when they are eating too much
food
Use synonyms
 especially
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
junk
food
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they will be lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
confident
Replace the word
confidence
show examples
 when they are starting comparing themselves with others who not getting fat.
Consequently
Linking Words
, not only physical health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as obesity but
also
Linking Words
 mental health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 will be addressed.
As a result
Linking Words
, the illness in
children
Use synonyms
 will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Although
Linking Words
 the issues have been raised,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
preventive solutions have been recommended. One possible solution can be resolved by parents and family.
For example
Linking Words
, parents can guide their child to avoid innutrition
food
Use synonyms
 by carefully cooking which should contain sufficient protein and vegetables. They
also
Linking Words
 can have some special meal in special
occasion
Change the noun form
occasions
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
birthday
Add an article
a birthday
show examples
 or Chrismas party.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 could help
children
Use synonyms
 not to focus on snacks, sugary
food
Use synonyms
 and fancy drinks too much.
In addition
Linking Words
, another solution can be supported by the government.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can encourage people via raising a campaign to limit the consumption of
Replace the word
fatty
show examples
fat
Correct your spelling
fast
show examples
food
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the regulation to restrict sugar or trans-fat
food
Use synonyms
 could be conducted.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fat
Correct your spelling
fast
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 and aerated drinks can generate many problems
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 teenagers.
However
Linking Words
, the issues can be resolved by the cooperation between family and government.
Submitted by faiphad.i on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: