IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Excessive traffic has made cities unpleasant places to live and work in. For this reason, private cars should be completely banned from city centers. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#traffic #cities #places #work #reason #cars #city #centers
In
this
 modern era, cities are more occupied by traffic rather than people and it
also
 makes it unpleasant for communities to live in peace, that's why some people believe that private
cars
 should be banned from city
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 and I agree with
this
 notion. I will explain the reasons with relevant examples in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
, private
cars
 should be banned because of environmental concerns, as, car emissions not only create
pollution
 but
also
 lead to global warming, which is becoming a major issue on a global level.
Moreover
, noise
pollution
 created by private transportation fosters mental problems
such
 as headaches, brain cancers, and ear issues, that's why banning personal automobiles is the best solution to making pleasant towns. Recent data have shown that the United States New York Government gives healthier lifestyles to the people after just banning individual vehicles.
Secondly
, banning one's own motor will lead to more green spaces, and safer streets, and will generally improve the quality of life for urban residents. The biggest example has been shown by Japan which improved the lives of citizens, by banning personal vehicles from Friday to Sunday.
Consequently
, putting restrictions on private
cars
 not only makes a peaceful city, but
also
 gives well lifestyle to the residents. to synopsize, I pen down saying that, prohibiting private
cars
 is the way to reduce air
pollution
, and noise
pollution
 and to make safer streets and increase the greenery.
Submitted by hkaur14165 on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a well-rounded argument for banning private cars in city centers. However, there are some vague points and minor inaccuracies. Make sure to clearly state the counterarguments and refute them logically to provide a more balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, the body paragraphs could be better organized to ensure a logical flow of ideas. Use cohesive devices and transitions to link your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and a summarizing conclusion, making it easy for the reader to understand your viewpoint and the main arguments.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, showing a good attempt at providing concrete evidence for your arguments.
task achievement
The writing demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary and sentence structures, which enhances the readability of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Emissions
  • Air pollution
  • Global warming
  • Noise pollution
  • Pedestrian-friendly
  • Public transportation
  • Green spaces
  • Urban residents
  • Enforcing the ban
  • Exceptions
  • Mental well-being
  • Healthier lifestyles
  • Local businesses
  • Tourism
  • Offset the need
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