IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Our personalities are predetermined as a result of our genes before we are born and there is nothing that can be done to change our character traits. To what extent do you agree?

#personalities #genes #change #character #traits
Our personality is an amalgamation of
myriad
Add an article
a myriad
the myriad
show examples
 of variables,
such
 as genes, environment, parenting, society etc.
Therefore
, to say that nothing can be done to alter our character traits will be inaccurate. Research has shown that
perosnalities
Correct your spelling
personalities
 can be changed but
this
 is a
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 process and
hence
, requires patience. To commence with, environment and society
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
 a fundamental part in ones' life. An
adoloscent
Correct your spelling
adolescent
 child's brain picks a lot of cues from the surroundings.
For instance
, if a youngster is in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
envronment
Correct your spelling
environment
 which involves
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of outdoor activities
rathar
Correct your spelling
rather
 than focusing on indoor activities, it will lead child's nature to be more involved in sports and will help in developing social skills. Whereas, a kid with more indoor involvement will be more connected to individual things
such
 as video games and smartphones. Another pivotal pillar
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 favours the aforementioned statement is that parents have a saliant role in an adult's character traits. How the family runs have an impact on
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 personality.
For example
, if a teenager
living
Wrong verb form
lives
show examples
 in a violent group with the parents being too strict
then
 the individual will react in a similar fashion with outer society. The person will tend to be
very
Add an article
a very
the very
show examples
reserve
Replace the word
reserved
show examples
, conscious and protective.
Furthermore
,
reserch
Correct your spelling
research
 states that change is a possibility and to achieve it tiny steps are required. Starting from changing a simple behavioural instinct which leads to a bigger change. Studies
also
 show that to acquire
this
 small change 21 days are required. After a
perod
Correct your spelling
period
 of 21
days
Add a comma
,days
show examples
 it inculcates within your habits. Despite being the supporter of the notion that personalities can be changed, I do believe that genes
also
 have a preponderant role in
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
 character traits. But, believing that a
charactertic
Correct your spelling
characteristic
 of
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 only depends on genes will be false and misleading.
Hence
, I conclude that personalities are not predetermined prior to our birth,
instead
 are determined by how a person
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
show examples
 life.
Submitted by shailjameel2410 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • predetermined
  • character traits
  • genetic influence
  • environmental factors
  • personality development
  • upbringing
  • foundation
  • evolution of traits
What to do next:
Look at other essays: