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Band 6

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
It’s Completely clear that the government tries to avoid
people
 from having a
lot
Add the preposition
oflot
show examples
 fast
food
 which is pretty unhealthy and leads to health problems. I strongly agree with
this
 opinion and to
me
Add a comma
,me
show examples
 it should be something to avoid
people
 from eating them too much.
First
 of all, I believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 by enforcing a new rule and increasing the higher
tax
 on fast
foods
 can make any fast
food
 harder for
people
.
Therefore
 they mostly can achieve
this
 goal to avoid
people
 from getting health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 and have
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 healthy lifestyle.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 if the government enforce the rule of higher
tax
 on fast
foods
,
people
 will be less eager to eat fast
food
 Since
people
 have financial problems and some
people
 may be
on
Change preposition
under
show examples
 tremendous pressure leads to
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 these
foods
 less. That’s why it can be
decent
Correct article usage
a decent
show examples
 option to do to make
people
 eat less
fat
Replace the word
fatty
show examples
foods
.
Secondly
, increasing higher
tax
 on
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
foods
 leads to
sell
Wrong verb form
selling
show examples
 fast
food
 less by restaurants.
In other words
,
resturants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 won’t be able to sell Fast
foods
 a lot and the number of customers will decrease.
For instance
, when
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
 restaurants don’t sell And have
Customer
Fix the agreement mistake
Customers
show examples
 sufficiently they won’t be able to
carry-on
Correct your spelling
carry on
show examples
 and receive sufficient profits.
Therefore
, it leads to
Make
Wrong verb form
Making
show examples
 a change in their occupation. Fast
food
 restaurants will decrease or try to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
foods
instead
 of unhealthy and poor quality
foods
. To conclude, I strongly believe that
Higher
Correct article usage
a Higher
show examples
tax
 on fast
foods
 completely
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 on eating a lot by
people
 who are suffering from
Health
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
 problems.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
What to do next:
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