IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Large companies use sport events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#companies #sport #events #products #people #impact #sports
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These days, one of the debatable issues is the efficiency of some companies from attractive fields like
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 to advertise their goods. Some ideas express that it would be a disadvantage for
sport
Use synonyms
. I barely agree with
this
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 opinion and the reasons behind
this
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 will be discussed next in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, one of the significant points would be the analogy between sports and the product.
For example
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,
Coca-cola
Correct your spelling
Coca-Cola
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 has used some famous athletes in its
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 recurrently. There is a fact that
this
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 brand is represented as junk with a great percentage of sugar which is not a good option in
this
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 case.
Secondly
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,
sport
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 is a sensitive issue, many athletes are followed by people all around the globe and their lifestyles are under the microscope.
As a consequence
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, every single step that they take, specifically what they cultivate can affect many people and lead them in a negative or positive way. Regardless,
what
Change preposition
of what
show examples
 has been discussed, there are some positive features worth considering.
For example
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, running
the
Correct article usage
a
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 campaign in some
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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motivates individuals to do more exercise or
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 them an incentive on their path, especially for some disabled people, these campaigns play an important role
to support
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in supporting
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 either financially or mentally. In conclusion,
sport
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 on their own is not affected by these factors because of their essence but the related including men and women or everyone who
work
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works
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 in
this
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 field and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 a follower to get impressed
from
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by
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 them should choose their way wisely in
this
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 powerful advertising industry. I am of the opinion that everything in
this
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 world has some pros and cons but it depends on the way we use it.
Submitted by s_bokaee on

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task achievement
You have provided a clear position on the topic and discussed both negative and positive aspects of companies promoting their products through sports. However, your points can be expanded with more specific examples and a clearer elaboration of ideas to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is structured well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve coherence, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next with proper transitions. Also, addressing counterarguments can make your essay more comprehensive.
task achievement
While your main points are logically presented, sometimes the ideas are generalized. Providing more specific details and examples will enhance clarity and depth. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point that ties back to your thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your essay well.
task achievement
You discuss both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view which is good for the task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical flow with each paragraph focusing on a specific point related to the thesis statement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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