IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after high school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #university #college #route #career #job #school
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In
this
 day and age, it remains a source of controversy on what
individuals
 should do to approach success.
While
 there are some good arguments in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
students
 going to
work
 right after finishing high
school
, I would argue that attending
universities
 is the shortest way to achieve success. On the one hand, there is a growing belief that getting a
job
 after high
school
 is more advantageous. The first reason is that
students
 approaching
work
 fields early can benefit their communication and problem-solving skills in the long term. Exposure to various kinds of
work
 early allows
individuals
 to have different views on a problem, which helps them give decisive and effective solutions for companies' troubles.
Secondly
, receiving salaries could help lessen a financial burden, especially for
individuals
 facing money
struggle
Fix the agreement mistake
struggles
show examples
.
For instance
, in VietNam,
students
 after finishing high
school
 tend to find a
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
job
, resulting in buying essential stuff for their daily basis.
On the other hand
, I believe
students
 pursuing
universities
 after high
school
 could open up numerous opportunities for their careers.
Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 effective academic system helps
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
students
 to find strengths and weaknesses.
This
 enables
individuals
 who participate to draw an effective plan for their future
job
. Another reason is that
universities
 often collaborate with other organizations, which offer their
students
 to experience
work
 fields early.
For instance
, in
Viet Nam
Correct your spelling
Vietnam
show examples
, taking
this
 internship experience will bring a certificate and valuable skill sets, which increase their chances of finding a well-paid
job
 in the future. In conclusion,
although
 both views certainly have some validity, it seems to me that it is better to pursue
universities
 after finishing high
school
, which would provide a guaranteed occupation.
Submitted by lahuyquan123 on

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task achievement
To strengthen your task response, consider expanding on your arguments in more detail and providing additional examples or data to support your points. This can help demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, you should work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and ensuring that each paragraph flows logically into the next. This will make your essay easier to follow.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing both sides of the argument as required.
task achievement
You offer clear and comprehensive ideas, making it easy to understand your perspective and arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented, framing the essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points in your essay are well-supported, enhancing the overall coherence of your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
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