IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

A report indicated that many children between 7 and 11 years old watch television and/ or play video games too much. How does the problem affect? what measures can be taken control of?

#report #children #years #television #video #games #measures #control
The improvement of technology has affected the leisure
activities
 in certain societies, including the young generation. Nowadays, most kids aged 7-11 years old tend to enjoy entertainment from numerous media
such
 as television and
games
. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on the impact of spending more time on gadgets and how to tackle the potential problems aroused.
First
 and foremost, based on psychology experts, spending overtime accessing digital entertainment can be mentally harmful.
In other words
, it considerably has more negative impacts on the youngster and their surroundings like family and friends.
For instance
,
children
 who spent more than half of the day sitting in front of their computer to play
games
, are not only might lose their quality time with their relatives but
also
 the opportunity to socialize with the community.
Secondly
, playing
games
 and watching TV programs for more than 6 hours a day leads them to a sedentary lifestyle that can be physically damaging,
for example
,
children
 will be encouraged to snack more without proper physical
activities
.
This
 issue can be addressed by convincing the juveniles to practice a healthy lifestyle,
such
 as, parents might provide a creative and innovative agenda for their
children
 which required them to actively participate. Some efforts like asking them to join the traditional
games
 with families, or bringing them to a public park in order to distract
children
's minds from the electronic devices. In conclusion, the existence of television and other digital media might damage the youngster since it influenced both physically and mentally. Despite the setbacks, a measure should be taken to overcome
this
 issue,
for instance
, parents need to develop new and creative
activities
.
Therefore
, their kids can be attracted to do more physical
activities
.
Submitted by cahyani.a.dewi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: