IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advances in technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#crime #rate #advances #technology
The
Correct article usage
Technlogical
show examples
technlogical
Correct your spelling
technological
 development has been made an impact on each and every aspect of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Among many of those, criminal acts show a huge co-relation with evolving technology.
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 there is
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 enough
evidance
Correct your spelling
evidence
 to decide whether it is towards the positive side or the negative side. On the one hand,
involvement
Correct article usage
the involvement
show examples
 of several
equipment
Change to a plural noun
equipments
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 reduced plenty of
mis deeds
Correct your spelling
misdeeds
show examples
.
For example
,
installation
Correct article usage
the installation
show examples
 of CCTV cameras
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 decreased
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
shoplifting
show examples
shop lifting
Correct your spelling
shoplifting
show examples
 and robberies. Meantime, introducing online
Correct your spelling
databases
show examples
data bases
Correct your spelling
databases
show examples
 for police departments
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 a key milestone in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history.
This
 has given enough space for the law enforcement authorities to analyze data and predict
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime patterns.
Further
, it has become an unrealistic task for a criminal to hide his
indetity
Correct your spelling
identity
 due to the
inter connection
Correct your spelling
interconnection
show examples
 between each country's
Correct your spelling
databases
show examples
data bases
Correct your spelling
databases
show examples
.
On the other hand
, there are some points that have been making a positive impact on
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
 rate.
Firstly
, the online market of weapons and drugs has opened doors to the
under world
Correct your spelling
underworld
show examples
 for anybody with money and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
.
Secondly
, anyone can find
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of training lessons for any weapon or drug, even
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Youtube.
Thridly
Correct your spelling
Thirdly
Friday
, any drug dealer or weapon dealer can reach the kids via Facebook,
Instergram
Correct your spelling
Instagram
 or any other social media platform despite the physical barriers. For
instant
Add an article
an instant
show examples
,
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of teenagers
engage
Wrong verb form
engaging
show examples
 in anti-social activities has drastically increased during
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 few years. In my point of view, there are both
pluse
Correct your spelling
plus
pluses
 and minus effects on crime rate due to technical advancement. Both the police and the criminals make use of it for their own
benifit
Correct your spelling
benefit
benefits
 against each other.
Submitted by suga.ek on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: