IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones are disrupting social interaction. How far do you agree?

#people #technologies #phones #interaction
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Technology is the creation, usage and knowledge of tools
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 can make users feel comfortable and makes life more easer so we can finish our affairs faster. By using electronics we can save our
time
Use synonyms
. Simultaneously ,some technologies can harm our life and health . It depends
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 what we use telecommunications. Personally, I defend the idea that technologies are disrupting social interaction. .
This
Linking Words
 essay is going to demonstrate my views with supportive explanations and provide examples where needed/relevant.
First
Linking Words
 of all, the main reason why I agree with the given statement is that people who spend their
time
Use synonyms
 on screen,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
become less communicative with their family and friends. They
spends
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 their
time
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social networks and games.
Secondly
Linking Words
, here is how cell phones affect teenagers. Especially gadgets are very harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 health. According to a study of scientists, teens who spend more hours a day on cell phones are more likely to become obese and nervous.
For instance
Linking Words
, I had a student who was addicted
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 games on
cell
Correct pronoun usage
my cell
show examples
 phone. He spent about seven hours
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a day
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing games. He had few friends, his classmates did not love him. Boy`s mother
also
Linking Words
 not
coped
Wrong verb form
cope
show examples
 with him.
Teenager
Add an article
The teenager
A teenager
show examples
 was very nervous. In one day I took his mobile phone during the lesson
time
Use synonyms
 (students can not use gadgets during the lesson). After
these situation child
Change the determiner
this situation child
these situation children
show examples
 was so nervous, he wanted to hit me. I was very shocked. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 technology can make our life
Correct your spelling
easier
show examples
easer
Correct your spelling
easier
show examples
 but every technology that provides
such
Linking Words
 benefits comes with a set of negative impacts.
Submitted by nargizataishybay on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: