SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY WHERE MONEY AND POSSESSIONS ARE GIVEN TOO MUCH IMPORTANCE. OTHERS BELIEVE THAT THIS IS IMPROVING OUR LIVES. DISCUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.

#people #society #money #possessions #importance #lives

Today many believe that we are living in a place,where there is an importance for financing and reputation.

However

,others say that financial persistence can improve our situation. In

this

essay,I will discuss both sides and give the necessary opinion. On the one hand, some believe that we are living in a place, where there is a vital role for money and goodwill.

For instance

, giving value for finance,house and getting fame in the organisation because it is the most essential to exist in the world.

Secondly

, the public

also

gives more time to

getting

Change the form of the verb

get

show examples

a good job position and wanted to fulfil their financial status.

For example

,buying shares from sharemarket,investment planning.

However

,these are the primary resources in everyone's life.

Lastly

,giving importance for monetary benefit is not only the way but there are some other goals

such

as better relationships with partner,family and friends plays a key role because it is very essential in our lives rather than finance and high-level positions.

On the other hand

,everybody needed to struggle in society,and earn bread and butter to live a better life because

this

is the primary goal and it can be fulfilled, when they do hard work and entitle the position in which they are interested.

Moreover

,financial planning is very essential for future reasons. Even today,starting from the initial age to the younger generation everyone needs money, For

this

,reason youngsters are doing jobs simultaneously with continuing education.

For instance

,part-time jobs in many restaurants and doing labour jobs.

However

this

is the positive development in career pathways and endeavouring the job title position. To conclude, to live a better lifestyle earning money is essential to everyone because it gives food,shelter and many auspicious things in our life.

However

,too much expectancy towards the financial status leads to downsides in personal relationships because the persons are more goal-oriented.

Submitted by ar050682 on Thu Nov 04 2021

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

304 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.5

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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