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Band 4.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose higher tax on this kind of food.

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
Nowadays, there are many
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
 restaurants on the streets which are accessible and attract many
people
. As a consequence, a number of
people
 around the world suffer from health problems from consuming high fats and low nutrients
food
. In my opinion, imposing
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
tax
 on unhealthy
food
 is not
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 promising solution. I admitted that charging higher
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 may result in lower incentives for
people
 to consume that particular
higher priced
Add a hyphen
higher-priced
show examples
food
. As individuals may be less likely to spend their money more when they get the same quantity of fast
food
. It is a direct way to inhibit certain consumption
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and might work
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 short run.
On the other hand
, some
people
 who enjoy eating burgers, nuggets, and french fries may not think that the increase in the cost of
food
 is a problem. I suggest that the government should support
people
 to live a healthy lifestyle in the long run by providing them with the knowledge of eating the right nutrients and health concerns. The government might increase public
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities that are available in many places as their citizens will find it easy going to the gym.
Lastly
, passing the law to increase
tax
 payment seems to result in
declining
Correct article usage
the declining
show examples
 consumption of fast
food
.
However
, the effectiveness of the rising
tax
 expense is low, since the lifestyle of citizens may remain unhealthy. In order to meet the goal of
long run
Add a hyphen
long-run
show examples
 healthiness, the government should provide their citizens with
correct
Add an article
the correct
show examples
 knowledge and an accessible
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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