IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Studying art in school improves students' performance in other subjects, because it is easier for multi-skilled students to learn new things. That's why art should be obligatory in schools. Do you agree or disagree?

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Art
Use synonyms
 education has long been regarded as a non-essential subject in the curriculum, it was always overshadowed by core subjects like science and mathematics.
However
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, it is considered by some people that it is smooth for skilled learners to excel in other subjects as they are good at adapting to new things. I completely agree with
this
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 notion and that educating
art
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 to the pupil should be made mandatory in educational institutions. Studying
art
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 is much more effective in doing well in other disciplines. First and foremost, the
art
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 enhances emotional and social intelligence of the learner which helps them to express themselves and understand different perspectives of individuals.
This
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 can be a useful skill not only when a person is doing any collaborative projects, but
also
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 when the task demands communication
such
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 as in debates.
For instance
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, a person participating in a debate can speak effortlessly with different perceptions.
Furthermore
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,
art
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 can be beneficial later on in the life of a student. To elaborate, in a rapidly changing world creativity and adaptability are the vital skills which employers seek in their employees for the benefit of the company. To illustrate, hiring managers look for an employee who can think outside of the box to solve a problem and who can implement knowledge from all different fields of study.
Hence
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,
due to
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 the multiple advantages of arts, it should made compulsory in the curriculum. To summarize, the subject of
art
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 should be obligatory in schools because of its positive impacts on other subjects
along with
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 that learning new things become easier. In my perspective,
art
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 education helps in developing various essential skills which can be useful in solving problems using creative skills.

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task response
Ensure that your thesis statement is clear and directly responsive to the task. While the essay does express agreement, make this more explicitly linked to the main point in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Although the essay generally progresses logically, pay attention to small lapses in logical connections between sentences. Improve transitions for a smoother flow between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay contains an introduction and a conclusion, which effectively frame your main ideas and provide a concise summary of your argument.
task achievement
Strong use of examples, such as the mention of debate participation and hiring managers' expectations, helps to illustrate and substantiate the points discussed.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Critical thinking
  • Motor skills
  • Creativity
  • Perspectives
  • Emotional outlet
  • Cultural appreciation
  • Global awareness
  • Historical art movements
  • Spatial intelligence
  • Curriculum overload
  • Non-competitive
  • Exposure
  • Cross-disciplinary benefits
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