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Band 4.5

Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people. Identify the possible causes of this trend, and propose some solutions you think would be effective.

#crime #countries #world #people #trend
Violence
Correct article usage
The violence
show examples
 rate has been increasing all over the world while it is growing up considerably among youths. The origins of
this
 situation seem to stem from three factors, while several remedies appear to be open to us. The main reason might be the high number of idlers in the society and the pressure of
weak
Correct article usage
a weak
show examples
 economy on the low- and middle-class level of society.
However
, it is by no means clear that rising the range of abuse of drugs and alcohol is frequently associated with inter-personal and civil
violence
 everywhere.
Furthermore
, it might be considered as the
third
 factor of increasing the crime among people especially youngsters that movie
violence
 could increase violent crime.
On
Change preposition
In
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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other word, exposure to gun
violence
 in movies might increase interest in guns in the real world and induce
audience
Add an article
the audience
an audience
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 to follow the harsh fantasies in the real life.
However
,
movie
Correct article usage
the movie
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 industry are caring about advising
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 audience before starting the movie. Turning to answers to these problems, an obvious step would be to improve the economy and
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
 hiring young and graduated experts.
However
, equal job opportunities for all people might be helpful for their economic stability.
Furthermore
, psychologists and teenage consultants could help students from the age of sensitivity.
Subsequently
, as long as governments provide cultural, sports and entertainments facilities for families and students, it would perhaps decrease their tendency to
trying
Wrong verb form
try
show examples
 drugs.
Moreover
, there is an enormous effect from media on all ages in which they are encouraged to take away from
violence
 indirectly. Overall, the factors of financial problems and family issues appear to be the main causes. A coordinated response by the state, the institutions and the individuals may well lessen the severity of the situation.
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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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