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Band 4

Some people believe that money makes life comfortable. Others think that a large amount of wealth brings more troubles. Do the advantages of having a lot of money outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #money #life #amount #wealth #troubles
Having a good income can make your life comfortable and put less pressure on your daily life.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 some
people
 believe it can form many obstacles.
Although
, it has some disadvantages
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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the advantages are much more
considerble
Correct your spelling
considerable
. It is true that
your
Correct pronoun usage
you
show examples
 not stressed or worried about what will happen in the future when you have a good income and
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
 amount of wealth.
For instance
, if something
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 to you and you need
doctor
Add an article
a doctor
show examples
 and medical treatments you are not afraid that you can not afford the doctor or medical care so you can focus on getting better.
furthermore
, you can have a
luxury
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
 life if you are rich and buy everything that makes you happy and
also
 live the best you can. Other
people
 believe that becoming an
affluemt
Correct your spelling
affluent
 person can have a bad effect on you. If
people
 know that you
a
Add a missing verb
have a
show examples
large amount of money they will try to make relationships with you and gain your trust and the particular reason for
this
 circumstance is
people
 want to rake advantage of richness.
This
 can be very dangerous for you.
Moreover
, when you are a rich person it can lead to fame.
Although
, it is good to be famous
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it
also
 can be bad. When you become introduced, your privacy is in danger
becouse
Correct your spelling
because
 of the journalists and
paparazzies
Correct your spelling
paparazzi
. To sum
up
Add a comma
,up
show examples
 everything that has been stated so far
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 consider
features
Correct article usage
the features
show examples
 of having money
outweigh
Fix the infinitive
to outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages.
Submitted by sia_21gr on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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