Some people believe that money makes life comfortable. Others think that a large amount of wealth brings more troubles. Do the advantages of having a lot of money outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #money #life #amount #wealth #troubles

Having a good income can make your life comfortable and put less pressure on your daily life.

Also

Add a comma

,Also

show examples

some

people

believe it can form many obstacles.

Although

, it has some disadvantages

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

the advantages are much more

considerble

Correct your spelling

considerable

. It is true that

your

Correct pronoun usage

you

show examples

not stressed or worried about what will happen in the future when you have a good income and

large

Change the article

a large

show examples

amount of wealth.

For instance

, if something

happen

Change the verb form

happens

show examples

to you and you need

doctor

Add an article

a doctor

show examples

and medical treatments you are not afraid that you can not afford the doctor or medical care so you can focus on getting better.

furthermore

, you can have a

luxury

Replace the word

luxurious

show examples

life if you are rich and buy everything that makes you happy and

also

live the best you can. Other

people

believe that becoming an

affluemt

Correct your spelling

affluent

person can have a bad effect on you. If

people

know that you

Add a missing verb

have a

show examples

large amount of money they will try to make relationships with you and gain your trust and the particular reason for

this

circumstance is

people

want to rake advantage of richness.

This

can be very dangerous for you.

Moreover

, when you are a rich person it can lead to fame.

Although

, it is good to be famous

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

also

can be bad. When you become introduced, your privacy is in danger

becouse

Correct your spelling

because

of the journalists and

paparazzies

Correct your spelling

paparazzi

. To sum

Add a comma

,up

show examples

everything that has been stated so far

Change the capitalization

show examples

consider

features

Correct article usage

the features

show examples

of having money

outweigh

Fix the infinitive

to outweigh

show examples

the disadvantages.

Submitted by sia_21gr on Sun Nov 07 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

242 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial security
assets
investment
quality of life
employment opportunities
healthcare
freedom
philanthropic activities
stress and anxiety
financial status
trust issues
jealousy
privacy
scrutiny

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Some people believe that money makes life comfortable. Others think that a large amount of wealth brings more troubles. Do the advantages of having a lot of money outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

The figure below is a town planning map, showing the likely positions of two new shopping centres as well as the various different zones and major transportation routes of the town.

Some people believe that more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.