IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people argue that the government should give every unemployed person a mobile phone and should make sure they have access to the Internet. They believe this is the best way of using public money to reduce the problem of unemployment. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #person #phone #access #internet #money #unemployment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is weened by some citizens to provide a cell
phone
Use synonyms
 with internet access to unemployed
people
Use synonyms
 by the authorities of a nation in order to minimize
unemployment
Use synonyms
. In fact, they think by using public funds for these deeds will help to overcome the problem of
unemployment
Use synonyms
. As it relates to me, I do not concur with the above-aforementioned notion, and the reason to substantiate my viewpoint is established in the following.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, when
people
Use synonyms
 are sitting idle at home they do unnecessary activities, and having a
phone
Use synonyms
 in hand with the free internet will add fuel to fire.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it will create great distraction among the youth as they can do many things which are not required.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, jobless
people
Use synonyms
 do not utilize it in the right way as they have ample time to invest in watching other things. To illustrate, many young generations who are not having a job in their hands are using a mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 just to watch movies and to play games.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the revenue collected by the community of a country should be utilized to escalate the growth of a nation while investing a huge amount in providing phones will not support development.
However
Linking Words
, to minimize the issues of
unemployment
Use synonyms
, the government should make a smart decision in terms of investment whereas giving gadgets will not give job opportunities to qualified
people
Use synonyms
.
Instead
Linking Words
 of the investment in phones, the authorities should utilize public funds in creating a golden opportunity for the
people
Use synonyms
. To sum up, providing a mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 to the unemployed is not a solution to reduce
unemployment
Use synonyms
 in a country as
people
Use synonyms
 will misuse it.
On the contrary
Linking Words
 side, it is not a right subject to use public funds because public money is meant for the development of a nation.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I do disagree with the statement.
Submitted by ka261991 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: