IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

the large number of private cars on the roads in many parts of the world has led to serious problems of pollution and may contribute to global warming. some people think that governments should spend money for the development of public transportation systems in order to help solve this problem. others think it is better to spend money for the development of electric and other types of cars that may cause less pollution.

7.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
The growing number of private
vehicles
Use synonyms
 on the roads today has caused severe environmental issues,
such
Linking Words
 as air pollution and global warming.
While
Linking Words
 some people believe that governments should invest in public transportation to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, others argue that funding the development of eco-friendly
cars
Use synonyms
 is a better solution. In my opinion, improving public transit is more effective,
although
Linking Words
 supporting green vehicle technology is
also
Linking Words
 necessary.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, investing in public transportation systems can directly reduce the number of
cars
Use synonyms
 on the road. When a city has a reliable, affordable, and fast network of trains and buses, many citizens will naturally choose to leave their
cars
Use synonyms
 at home.
For example
Linking Words
, a single metro train can carry hundreds of commuters, which replaces hundreds of individual
cars
Use synonyms
 that would
otherwise
Linking Words
 emit harmful gases.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 approach targets the root cause of traffic congestion and environmental damage simultaneously.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people prefer the comfort and privacy of personal
vehicles
Use synonyms
. Since it’s difficult to convince everyone to use public transit, focusing on technology like electric
cars
Use synonyms
 seems more realistic. These modern
vehicles
Use synonyms
 produce zero or very low emissions during travel, which can significantly improve air quality in crowded cities.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 solution does not fix the problem of heavy traffic jams, and electric
cars
Use synonyms
 can still be too expensive for the average
citizens
Check wording
citizen
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both strategies offer valuable benefits for protecting the environment.
While
Linking Words
 developing electric and eco-friendly
cars
Use synonyms
 helps lower pollution from personal travel, I believe that building a strong public transportation system is a better long-term option. It provides a cheaper option for everyone and successfully cuts down the
overall
Linking Words
 number of
vehicles
Use synonyms
 on the road.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your view is clear: public transport is the better long-term answer, while clean cars can also help. To make this view stronger, explain more fully why public transport is the best use of public money, not only a useful choice.
task response
You cover both sides of the question well. Add one more clear point about electric cars, such as the power used to charge them or the cost of making their batteries. This would make your answer more complete.
task response
The metro example is useful and easy to understand. You could add a short real-life city example, or explain how more buses and trains can help people who cannot buy a car.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, one side, the other side, and conclusion. Keep this strong plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words, such as “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” “For example,” and “However,” guide the reader well. Try not to use too many set phrases; sometimes link ideas by repeating key words like “public transport,” “cars,” or “pollution.”
coherence and cohesion
The last line says public transport “provides a cheaper option for everyone.” This is clear, but it could link back more directly to your main point about public spending and the fall in car use.
task response
You answer every part of the question and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant: public transport can cut car use, while electric cars can cut air pollution.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea and develops it with a reason or example.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion clearly match, so the reader can follow your position from beginning to end.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • congestion
  • emissions
  • pollutants
  • sustainable
  • efficient
  • affordable
  • overcrowding
  • traffic
  • infrastructure
  • investment
  • alternative
  • renewable
  • fossil fuels
  • technology
  • incentives
  • reducing
  • combating
  • environmentally friendly
  • greenhouse gases
  • global warming
What to do next:
Look at other essays: