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Some people believe that personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe that there are other factors. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #happiness #success #factors
Some
people
 believe that personal
happiness
 depends on economic
success
,
although
 others think that there are many other factors. Certainly, the economic factor can improve the quality and
OF
Change preposition
apply
show examples
living conditions of
people
, thereby making a
person
 happy, but with the help of
money
Add a comma
money,
show examples
 it is not possible to buy
happiness
. I believe that
economics
Replace the word
economic
show examples
success
 does not directly affect on
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
happiness
.
Money
 improves a
person s
Correct your spelling
person's
 life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because some
people
 do not have enough
money
 to live a favorable life or to support an entire family.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
people
 who have enough
money
, in a sense, make their life easier. Of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
it is clear that
 a
person
 who has
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 income and economic
success
 cannot be completely happy, because real
happiness
, in my opinion
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a big family,
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a lot of
friends
 and good health
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
parents. On the other side, I think that economic
success
 does not directly affect on
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
happiness
, because
happiness
 is not only
money
 or economic
success
, it is a happy family that supports you, loyal
friends
 who will help you in any difficult situation and certainly, the love of your parents.
Also
because
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
material goods can satisfy the needs of a
person
 and not make a
person
 happy.
For instance
, if a
person
 has a lot of
money
, but does not have
friends
 or family,
then
 he will be lonely and will not find real
happiness
. In conclusion, I believe that personal
happiness
 is not directly related to economic
success
, because there are many other factors
such
 as love, family, loyal
friends
 and spiritual values, which can influence
people
’s
happiness
.
Submitted by juliafromkazan2016 on

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task response
Provide a stronger and clearer stance on the given topic. Address both views in depth and provide a balanced opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Organize the essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences and supporting details. Ensure that there is a clear introduction and a conclusion summarizing the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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