Some people believe that personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe that there are other factors. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #happiness #success #factors

Some

people

believe that personal

happiness

depends on economic

success

although

others think that there are many other factors. Certainly, the economic factor can improve the quality and

Change preposition

apply

show examples

living conditions of

people

, thereby making a

person

happy, but with the help of

money

Add a comma

money,

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it is not possible to buy

happiness

. I believe that

economics

Replace the word

economic

show examples

success

does not directly affect on

person

Change noun form

person's

show examples

happiness

Money

improves a

person s

Correct your spelling

person's

life

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apply

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because some

people

do not have enough

money

to live a favorable life or to support an entire family.

Also

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Also,

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people

who have enough

money

, in a sense, make their life easier. Of

course

Add a comma

course,

show examples

it is clear that

person

who has

good

Correct article usage

a good

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income and economic

success

cannot be completely happy, because real

happiness

, in my opinion

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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is a big family,

have

Wrong verb form

having

show examples

a lot of

friends

and good health

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apply

show examples

parents. On the other side, I think that economic

success

does not directly affect on

person

Change noun form

person's

show examples

happiness

, because

happiness

is not only

money

or economic

success

, it is a happy family that supports you, loyal

friends

who will help you in any difficult situation and certainly, the love of your parents.

Also

because

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

material goods can satisfy the needs of a

person

and not make a

person

happy.

For instance

, if a

person

has a lot of

money

, but does not have

friends

or family,

then

he will be lonely and will not find real

happiness

. In conclusion, I believe that personal

happiness

is not directly related to economic

success

, because there are many other factors

such

as love, family, loyal

friends

and spiritual values, which can influence

people

’s

happiness

Submitted by juliafromkazan2016 on Mon Nov 08 2021

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task response

Provide a stronger and clearer stance on the given topic. Address both views in depth and provide a balanced opinion.

coherence and cohesion

Organize the essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences and supporting details. Ensure that there is a clear introduction and a conclusion summarizing the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

270 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe that there are other factors. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Advances in science and technology and other areas of society in the last 100 years have transformed the way we live as well as postponing the day we die. There is no better time to be alive than now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising but not the real need of the society where such products are sold. Do you agree or disagree?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Even though governments have worked hard to bring about improvements in the healthcare system, the overall standard of physical health in developed countries is decreasing. What are the potential reasons for this, and what are some of the long-term effects?

To learn effectively, children need to eat a healthy meal at school. How true is statement? Whose responsibility is it provide food for school children?