IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries the widespread use of the Internet has given people more freedom to work or study at home instead of travelling to work or college. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#countries #internet #people #freedom #work #study #home #college
I think that the
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
widespread
Add an article
the widespread
show examples
use
 of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
people
 feel more freedom
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they can
work
 from anywhere in the world.
Also
 , is new generation is growing with new views on
work
 sub tasks to it. I agree with
this
type
 of widespread
use
 of
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 .
Firstly
, widespread
use
 of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
benefit
Change the verb form
benefits
show examples
academically to students and
people
 which want
travel
Fix the infinitive
to travel
show examples
 and be involved in business or kind of job where they can earn money . As well,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that freedom of
work
 helps
people
 sustain
sense
Add an article
a sense
the sense
show examples
 of wellness and manage themselves . In the same
way
Add a comma
,way
show examples
 we understand that
this
 industry goes more profitable and we
also
 saw
people
 in
massmedia
Correct your spelling
mass media
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 become rich with only
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
 knowledge . I think that
use
 widespread
use
 of
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 not only helps
people
 and society but
also
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
harms the fact that the overall level of real
employment
 is lost and begins to fall and there may not be enough
people
 at the enterprises.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
people
 with
this
type
 of
employment
 have health problems most of the
work
 is done on
Add an article
a laptop
the laptop
show examples
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
 or other digital devices. Above all
this
type
 of
employment
 does not have constant stability and in many
respects
Add a comma
,respects
show examples
 it depends on the environment namely whether there is an
Internet
 laptop nearly and the organization of the person himself. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would like to say that
this
type
 of
employment
 has to be
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but in a dosed and systematic amount .
Also
, only organized
people
 can cope with
this
work
 schedule.
Submitted by juliafromkazan2016 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: