IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that being creative in their free time is beneficial. Discuss pros and cons with your opinion.

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Life is short and uncertain so we fill our precious
time
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 with
activities
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, commitments and obligations. A section of society asserts that doing innovative
activities
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 in the spare moment
having
Verb problem
is
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 more advantageous.
This
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 essay intends to discuss both pros and cons in the subsequent paragraphs with my opinion. On the one hand, there are numerous benefits associated with utilising spare
time
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 to do enjoyable
activities
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. Rejuvenating the
mind
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 by doing favourite things to enhance skills is the prominent one. As many individuals spend a considerable amount of
time
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 either in an office or doing household chores so they do not have much spare
time
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 to sharpen their skills which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 them to live a monotonous lifestyle. An article published in The Tribune reported that the twenty-five per cent of students ratio has been increasing in hobbies camps during summer vacations.
Apart from
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this
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, doing
activities
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 like painting, singing etcetera distract the
mind
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 from routine worries and
also
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 foster cognitive stimulation which results in keeping pupils active.
On the other hand
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, there are potential drawbacks associated with it. Just like other muscles in our body, the
mind
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also
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 needs relaxation. If people always do work without any break the brain will not feel fresh which ultimately
affect
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affects
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 their productivity
as well as
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efficiency
Correct article usage
the efficiency
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 of any task. For ,instance it has been observed that people who are not given enough
time
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 to soothe their minds are suffering from serious
illnesse
Correct your spelling
illnesses
illness
 like anxiety and depression.
Moreover
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, unstructured free
time
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 stuck the
mind
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 to many thoughts which resulted in
diversifyin
Correct your spelling
diversifying
diversify in
 the
mind
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 from the main objective.
To conclude
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,
although
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 utilising free
time
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sharpen
Correct subject-verb agreement
sharpens
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 the brain and memory. Yet its negative aspects of excessive
mind
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 burden and serious illness cannot be overlooked.
Hence
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 it would be a sagacious approach to keep a balance between hobbies and spare
time
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.

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language
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your intention to discuss both pros and cons. However, the phrase 'having more advantageous' is slightly unclear. You may consider rephrasing it to 'is more advantageous' for better clarity.
structure
In the second paragraph, while you provide good points regarding the benefits of creative activities, consider including a stronger topic sentence that clearly states the main idea of that paragraph to improve coherence.
language
The sentence ‘unstructured free time stuck the mind to many thoughts’ contains unclear phrasing. Revise this to make it more straightforward, for instance, 'Unstructured free time can lead the mind to wander excessively.'
language
There are some grammatical errors, e.g., ‘illnesse’ instead of ‘illness’, which can affect the overall professionalism of your writing. Make sure to proofread for such mistakes before final submission.
clarity
The conclusion could be strengthened by rephrasing to emphasize your opinion more clearly. Rather than stating 'it would be a sagacious approach', you could say 'I believe it is crucial to maintain a balance...' to make your stance more distinctive.
content
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion and shows your ability to analyze different perspectives.
support
You provided a relevant example from an article, which helps to substantiate your points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • streaming movies
  • browsing social media
  • playing video games
  • digital entertainment
  • active pursuits
  • resurgence of interest
  • fitness trends
  • outdoor adventures
  • group sports
  • perception of time
  • connectivity requirements
  • passive activities
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