IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People should be forced to travel by bicycle rather than by car for all short journeys

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
There is no doubt that using bicycles could prevent obesity because it is a cardio exercise.
This
Linking Words
 advantage frequently becomes the main argument for forcing society to travel by bicycle.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, keeping in shape should not be the fundamental reason for restrictions on the usage of cars. Nowadays, more
people
Use synonyms
 become concerned about the ecological situation in the whole world. Automobiles have a negative impact on it, causing protests throughout the world because
people
Use synonyms
 want their governments to compel citizens to use bikes for short trips. Meanwhile, I do not believe in its efficiency and I will expound my point of view.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost, bicycles are less damaging to the environment than automobiles. It is evident that traffic fumes produce some gases which are contributing to air pollution.
However
Linking Words
, cars are not the only cause of the bad ecological situation, so forbidding usage of them could not preserve the environment.
Also
Linking Words
, other reasons,
for example
Linking Words
, the convenience of using a bicycle, should be considered personally
as well as
Linking Words
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 or disadvantages of prohibition of using
automobile
Correct article usage
an automobile
show examples
. It is impossible to know the thoughts of other
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the most persuasive reasons for using bikes for me are their positive effect on the ecological situation in the world
along with
Linking Words
 the safety of its usage.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
Linking Words
 to
aforesaid
Replace the word
the aforementioned
show examples
, enforcing
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 to do anything could be problematic because there should be the desire of
people
Use synonyms
 if the government wants their rules to be complied with.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 there is a belief that citizens should be compelled to refuse to use cars, I do not totally agree with it.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Expand on the argument against forcing people to use bicycles. Provide more specific examples and details to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay follows a clear and logical structure. Include a proper introduction and conclusion to provide an overview and summary of your points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: