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Writing Samples
Band 4

Computer games are becoming very popular among children of all ages and nationalities. Parents say they are concerned because these games have little educational value and many harmful effects. Do you agree or disagree?

#computer #games #children #ages #nationalities #parents #value #effects
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In each and every country, computer-based
games
Use synonyms
 are drastically increasing more famous for all ages of adolescents. Parents are worried about these
games
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will affect their studies and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
results
Correct subject-verb agreement
result
show examples
 in dangerous effects. I will agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because it will show more impact on their academics and
also
Linking Words
 show consequences in their
health
Use synonyms
. Playing more desktop
games
Use synonyms
 will damage the school studies of
children
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, more students aged between 13-19 are showing more interest in spending their time playing video
games
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of doing their studies and
thus
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makes
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 them not
enough
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
prepared for the exams.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the Times of India report revealed that 87% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school students are showing great interest in playing stations.
According to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, playing
games
Use synonyms
 will spoil
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education. On
another side
Replace the word
the other hand
show examples
, playing these PC
games
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 disadvantages
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's
healths
Fix the agreement mistake
health
show examples
. Continuous playing of video
games
Use synonyms
 has shown
effect
Add an article
the effect
show examples
 that
Correct article usage
the
show examples
majority of the youngsters are getting neck pain and spending
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of time sitting and playing
also
Linking Words
 results in
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
back pain as well. If it goes like
this
Linking Words
 at
small
Correct word choice
a young
show examples
 age they will get eye-sight.
For instance
Linking Words
,
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
, decade the World
Health
Use synonyms
 Organisation has shown a report that 7 out of 10 per cent of young
children
Use synonyms
 use spectacles for their eyesight. Spending more leisure on playing stations will increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 issues. In conclusion, I believe that more young
children
Use synonyms
 spending their time playing
games
Use synonyms
 results
that
Change preposition
in
show examples
 education scores
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decreasing and it
also
Linking Words
 harms their
health
Use synonyms
 that's why parents are very concerned about their
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by udvamshi on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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