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Band 4

Computer games are becoming very popular among children of all ages and nationalities. Parents say they are concerned because these games have little educational value and many harmful effects. Do you agree or disagree?

#computer #games #children #ages #nationalities #parents #value #effects
In each and every country, computer-based
games
 are drastically increasing more famous for all ages of adolescents. Parents are worried about these
games
due to
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will affect their studies and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
results
Correct subject-verb agreement
result
show examples
 in dangerous effects. I will agree with
this
 statement because it will show more impact on their academics and
also
 show consequences in their
health
. Playing more desktop
games
 will damage the school studies of
children
. Nowadays, more students aged between 13-19 are showing more interest in spending their time playing video
games
instead
 of doing their studies and
thus
makes
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 them not
enough
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
prepared for the exams.
For example
,
according to
 the Times of India report revealed that 87% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school students are showing great interest in playing stations.
According to
this
, playing
games
 will spoil
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education. On
another side
Replace the word
the other hand
show examples
, playing these PC
games
also
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 disadvantages
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
's
healths
Fix the agreement mistake
health
show examples
. Continuous playing of video
games
 has shown
effect
Add an article
the effect
show examples
 that
Correct article usage
the
show examples
majority of the youngsters are getting neck pain and spending
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of time sitting and playing
also
 results in
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
back pain as well. If it goes like
this
 at
small
Correct word choice
a young
show examples
 age they will get eye-sight.
For instance
,
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
, decade the World
Health
 Organisation has shown a report that 7 out of 10 per cent of young
children
 use spectacles for their eyesight. Spending more leisure on playing stations will increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
 issues. In conclusion, I believe that more young
children
 spending their time playing
games
 results
that
Change preposition
in
show examples
 education scores
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decreasing and it
also
 harms their
health
 that's why parents are very concerned about their
children
.
Submitted by udvamshi on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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