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Band 4.5

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old fashioned values such as honour, kindness, and trust no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#person’s #status #possessions #values #honour #kindness #trust
Nowadays in our world, young generations look only for people with a high social status or for what objects they possess.
Instead
 of valuing those ones with honour, affection, and trust looks not important anymore. I totally disagree with
this
,
that is
 why I am going to talk about why people should relate more to the old fashioned.
firstly
, in our present, social media is used
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 most people for different purposes.
However
, many as been recognised from it and
that is
 what it seems they like in someone,
instead
 of seeing their real quality in that person
such
 as honour or being humble to others.
For instance
, some who refer themselves only to the internet most of the time
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
don't show what they really are, ending up always lonely.
Moreover
, sometimes we don't see a person soul because of their material thing. Secondary many of us are blurred from what others possess in
base
Add an article
the base
a base
show examples
 of the value as well. if someone owns many
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
 or dress with
expencive
Correct your spelling
expensive
 clothes, they highly desire from them,
meanwhile
Add a comma
,meanwhile
show examples
 they can't see the real subject they
attracted
Add a missing verb
are attracted
show examples
 to.
This
 is why many of them become selfish and
also
 end up divorced.
Although
 not
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
 can see it. In conclusion, someone worth is judged because of what they have or even for
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 social status. In my opinion, we should always look into the person soul and make notes of their
kindess
Correct your spelling
kindness
 and honour
whitch
Correct your spelling
which
 will bring a strong and long relationship.
Submitted by Tizi999 on

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    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
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    • Sentence 1 - Summary
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social status
  • Material possessions
  • Old-fashioned values
  • Honour
  • Kindness
  • Trust
  • Judged
  • Importance
  • Traditional
  • Reflection
  • Achievements
  • Hard work
  • Disregarded
  • Well-balanced
  • Meaningful
  • Cultural norms
  • Societal norms
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