IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people believe that school should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful fot their future career. Other people think that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #school #students #subjects #fot #future #career #music #sports
It goes without saying that academic
subjects
 and sports play an indispensable role in individual life. A popular stratum of society tends to believe that tutors should concentrate more on academic
subjects
 while others think that
music
 and physical
activities
 play a vital role. I would like to explicate both views in the upcoming paragraph. Commencing with the most prominent reason academic
subjects
 like history, biology, geography and history best way to utilise leisure time in several
subjects
. Through these benefits for youngsters to increase knowledge levels and provide the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
right direction to achieve their goals. Students become more informed about future planning. To cite an example postgraduate become aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 in which fields want to perform
activities
.
In addition
 to these surveys being conducted by the administration to know about the views of students about academic ,
subjects
 30 per cent of the population was attentive. ,
Moreover
subjects
such
 as
music
 and sports
also
 play a crucial role in our daily life.
Music
 is the best way for younger ones. As it is considered a stress buster and motivation to achieve their dreams. To cite an example according to BBC News inspirational songs, release pressure after performing
activities
 like late hours work or working in the company.
Furthermore
 sports like football, cricket, basketball and tennis important part of daily life. Through these beneficial for youngsters to develop mental power and communication skills. To cite an example for fresher man benefits to develop a ritual and moral values among them and Change in behaviour. In conclusion
although
,
instead
 of focusing on academic
subjects
 education related to physical
activities
 and
music
 should be done mandatory by authorities by implementing laws.
Submitted by naresh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: