Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them. What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions?
In recent years, a lot of individuals suppose that our society does not invest sufficient time in taking care of the elderly. As far as I am concerned,
this
phenomenon was caused by the lack of a health caregiver and old people
's financial difficulty . Furthermore
, I believe that our government should solve it through training of medical talents and health insurance.
First of all, looking after the elderly needs a massive amount of human resources, while
their sons and daughters are too busy to spend time companying. Subsequently
, The requirements are larger than the care service supply resulting in the prices of the service being extremely expensive. In addition
, the elderly can not afford it because most of them do not store enough money as they were young.
To deal with these problems, improving the cultivation of caregivers and encouraging people
to buy healthy insurance are must-haves. The government should increase the efficiency of training. Moreover
, it is useful for our society to carry out a healthy tax in order to force citizens to prepare enough money in advance. For example
, in Japan, 97% of people
have bought national health insurance since 2000, so their older citizens do not depend on their kids nowadays. In brief, these will provide enough healthy caring power to support the ageing population.
In conclusion, the lack of time to accompany the elderly is attributed to insufficient medical talents and terrible finances. Thus
, we should not only develop a more efficient training system but also
help people
prepare enough before they still can work.Submitted by J.C.Li.1997.11 on
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coherence cohesion
You should work on creating a clear overall structure for your essay with distinct paragraphs, each serving a clear purpose. The flow between paragraphs was somewhat disrupted, and transitions could have been smoother.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains one clear main idea and a few sentences that expand on it, providing explanation or evidence. This helps in strengthening the main points presented in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Be sure to properly present an introduction and conclusion. While both are present, they could be more distinct and effective in presenting the topic and summarizing the main points respectively.
task achievement
To fully respond to the task, you must address all parts of the prompt thoroughly, ensuring that each problem and solution is given sufficient detail and discussion.
task achievement
Ideas need to be expanded upon with clear, logical development. Presenting them in a more comprehensive manner will strengthen your argument and improve your score in this criterion.
task achievement
Include more relevant examples and ensure they are specific. While you mentioned Japan as an example, elaborating on how its insurance system has addressed the elderly care challenges would strengthen your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.