IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that it is more important to spend time for developing a career. Some people say that it is important to share time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #career #friends
Time is money, which requires
Correct pronoun usage
you to
show examples
to invest
Change the verb form
investing
show examples
 wisely. Many people believe in spending some extra hours on their career than socializing with family and friends. I firmly support that indulging yourself with family and friends is a
priorty
Correct your spelling
priority
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
 devoting
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 professional growth. The forthcoming paragraphs will discuss both views in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
.
To begin
 with, individuals those who give
importances
Correct your spelling
importance
show examples
 to
thier
Correct your spelling
their
the
 occupation for them, there could be many reasons for
this
.
Firstly
, their income, which plays a vital role in raising their family.
For instance
, suppose a family has six
member
Change to a plural noun
members
show examples
 and only one earning
person
.
Hence
, automatically that one
person
 has to
focuse
Correct your spelling
focus
 on his or her job to provide the basic necessities for each member. Another reason could be the huge
compitition
Correct your spelling
competition
 in the market where they are bound to prove themselves every moment.
Evindently
Correct your spelling
Evidently
, in these cases a
person
 is
forsed
Correct your spelling
forced
 to concentrate more to their vocation.
On the other hand
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people who think they ought to spend quality moments with their kit and kins, may come up with
Fix the agreement mistake
several
show examples
severals
Correct your spelling
several
show examples
 other reasons. Human beings are social animals and need to talk to someone to unwind their minds, which might not be possible at work.
For example
, a
person
 returning home after hard work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 feels
Correct your spelling
relieved
show examples
relived
Correct your spelling
relieved
show examples
 as well as relaxed at that moment when he interacts with his family.
Moreover
, it is generally seen that a family man is a healthier
virsion
Correct your spelling
version
 than a professional man.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, he has to take care of the upbringing of his children in order to inculcate good values in them;
for example
, empathy, sharing, co-operation, sharing and caring are some of the
vairtues
Correct your spelling
virtues
 which a parent only can teach properly to their offsprings as schools usually focus on academics and these life skills are learned at home only. To conclude, bearing in mind the above information and deliberating all facts, it can be deduced that
although
 earning money and at the same time keeping in mind the performance
presure
Correct your spelling
pressure
 in their office for which extra duration efforts have been invested, I believe that the regular unwinding from the job and teaching life skills to children are more
justicficed
Correct your spelling
justified
, in my view is paramount.
Submitted by Shubhamchef2019 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: