Some people say that it is more important to spend time for developing a career. Some people say that it is important to share time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #career #friends

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Time is money, which requires

Correct pronoun usage

you to

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to invest

Change the verb form

investing

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wisely. Many people believe in spending some extra hours on their career than socializing with family and friends. I firmly support that indulging yourself with family and friends is a

priorty

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priority

than

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over

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devoting

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show examples

professional growth. The forthcoming paragraphs will discuss both views in

details

Fix the agreement mistake

detail

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To begin

Linking Words

with, individuals those who give

importances

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importance

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thier

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their

the

occupation for them, there could be many reasons for

this

Linking Words

Firstly

Linking Words

, their income, which plays a vital role in raising their family.

For instance

Linking Words

, suppose a family has six

member

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members

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and only one earning

person

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Hence

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, automatically that one

person

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has to

focuse

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focus

on his or her job to provide the basic necessities for each member. Another reason could be the huge

compitition

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competition

in the market where they are bound to prove themselves every moment.

Evindently

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Evidently

, in these cases a

person

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forsed

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forced

to concentrate more to their vocation.

On the other hand

Linking Words

for

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apply

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people who think they ought to spend quality moments with their kit and kins, may come up with

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several

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severals

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several

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other reasons. Human beings are social animals and need to talk to someone to unwind their minds, which might not be possible at work.

For example

Linking Words

, a

person

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returning home after hard work

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apply

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feels

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relieved

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relived

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relieved

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as well as relaxed at that moment when he interacts with his family.

Moreover

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, it is generally seen that a family man is a healthier

virsion

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version

than a professional man.

Futhermore

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Furthermore

, he has to take care of the upbringing of his children in order to inculcate good values in them;

for example

Linking Words

, empathy, sharing, co-operation, sharing and caring are some of the

vairtues

Correct your spelling

virtues

which a parent only can teach properly to their offsprings as schools usually focus on academics and these life skills are learned at home only. To conclude, bearing in mind the above information and deliberating all facts, it can be deduced that

although

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earning money and at the same time keeping in mind the performance

presure

Correct your spelling

pressure

in their office for which extra duration efforts have been invested, I believe that the regular unwinding from the job and teaching life skills to children are more

justicficed

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justified

, in my view is paramount.

Submitted by Shubhamchef2019 on Wed Nov 10 2021

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

363 words

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Some people say that it is more important to spend time for developing a career. Some people say that it is important to share time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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