More people put their personal information online (address, telephone number,…) for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purpose. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

The i
ncreasingly
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increasing
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popularity of
i
nternet
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the internet
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in recent years has witnessed a rise in the a
mount
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number
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of people who allow their personal
information
to b
e publish
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be published
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online for various reasons. In my opinion,
this
development is having negative effects on both individuals and the countries. On one hand, s
et
Wrong verb form
setting
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up personal
information
on social media platforms can have a tremendous influence on their daily life. Not only they can get bothered by a group of uneducated people with their toxic thoughts, but
also
run the risk of someone will steal their
information
to conduct illegal behaviours. In the
last
year, cyber robbing has contributed to over a m
illions
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million
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crime cases, c
aused
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causing
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many
internet
users to suffer from money l
ost.
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loss
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Another example is that celebrities are more likely to get annoying phone c
all
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calls
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and texts from the
internet
, which can be harmful f
or
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to
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their mental health and
also
interrupt their daily life.
Therefore
, it can be said that p
ublish
Wrong verb form
publishing
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our personal
information
online can be dangerous for normal citizens.
On the other hand
, it
also
affected the development of many nations. With the responsibility to provide a safe
internet
environment, the government have to s
pent
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spend
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a considerable amount of money every year to improve and expand their cyber police army.
This
has t
ook
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taken
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away precious materials that can be used for other purposes
such
as d
evelop
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developing
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the infrastructure, u
pgrade
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upgrading
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the education system or fighting t
he e
Correct article usage
apply
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nvironment
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environmental
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pollution. Large countries like the US or Russia has lost millions of dollars in their fight with Chinese cybercrime in recent decades, which has slowed down their e
conomy
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economic
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development noticeably. In conclusion, I believed that a
llow
Wrong verb form
allowing
show examples
our specific
information
to appear online is dangerous and unnecessary, and people should be careful using the
internet
Submitted by Andy on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

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Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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