When people move to another country ,some of them decide to follow the customs of the new country. Others prefer to keep their own customs. Compare these two choices . Which one do you prefer? Support your answer with specific details.

#people #move #country #customs #two #choices #support

It is noticeable that globalization makes the trend of immigration

has

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

increased, and moving to another

country

is less difficult to keep up in terms of lifestyle and culture.

While

some people argue that these

unneeded

Add a missing verb

are unneeded

show examples

undertakings, others believe prefer to adapt to the new environment.

This

essay will discuss both these points of view.

To begin

with, those who disagree that the people decide to keep their own customs. Since

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

they have their national identity, they strongly

encouraged

Wrong verb form

encourage

show examples

preserving their citizenship. As an illustration, some countries have simplified the process of permanent residence for immigrants. In Peru, people become naturalized citizens by living in the nation for two years

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and paying about $25.000.

However

, some immigrants prefer to retain citizenship. It might be

also

that, they have difficulty accepting the local attitude and behaviour,

due to

some things are not

according to

the norms that they believe in.

On the contrary

, focusing on one’s preferences, one of the best ways to respect the new

country

where we settle is

attendance

Wrong verb form

to attend

show examples

the culture day.

For instance

, some

country

celebrates Thanksgiving. It has historical roots in religious and cultural traditions, the blessing of the harvest and of the preceding year.

Moreover

, following the new customs

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

newcomer

Fix the agreement mistake

newcomers

show examples

avoids misunderstanding in communications, learn new things , and get familiar with the social culture. When

talk

Change the verb form

talking

show examples

with an American, we should see directly into his eyes , and once visited a relative

Change preposition

apply

show examples

there, as a custom in their

country

bringing a small gift. In conclusion, in my point of view, it is understandable that following the new

country

Change noun form

country's

show examples

customs and traditions

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

foreigners to socialize , and faster adaptation inside the local population,

as well as

preserve our national identity.

Submitted by mellindanur.octavia on Wed Nov 10 2021

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task response

The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks clear comprehensive ideas.

coherence and cohesion

The essay shows some coherence and cohesion, but there are issues with the logical structure and supporting main points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

289 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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When people move to another country ,some of them decide to follow the customs of the new country. Others prefer to keep their own customs. Compare these two choices . Which one do you prefer? Support your answer with specific details.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe it is essential to include physical education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academics subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some cities create housing areas by providing taller buildings other create housing by building houses on a wider area of land what solution is better?

Environmental damage is a problem in most countries. What is the cause of this damage? What should be done about this problem?

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mible phones for communication has a negative effect on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Others believe that there are health benefits of living in cities Discuss bth views and give your own opinions