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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

When people move to another country ,some of them decide to follow the customs of the new country. Others prefer to keep their own customs. Compare these two choices . Which one do you prefer? Support your answer with specific details.

#people #move #country #customs #two #choices #support
It is noticeable that globalization makes the trend of immigration
has
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apply
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increased, and moving to another
country
 is less difficult to keep up in terms of lifestyle and culture.
While
 some people argue that these
unneeded
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are unneeded
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 undertakings, others believe prefer to adapt to the new environment.
This
 essay will discuss both these points of view.
To begin
 with, those who disagree that the people decide to keep their own customs. Since
that
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apply
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they have their national identity, they strongly
encouraged
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encourage
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 preserving their citizenship. As an illustration, some countries have simplified the process of permanent residence for immigrants. In Peru, people become naturalized citizens by living in the nation for two years
,
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apply
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 and paying about $25.000.
However
, some immigrants prefer to retain citizenship. It might be
also
 that, they have difficulty accepting the local attitude and behaviour,
due to
 some things are not
according to
 the norms that they believe in.
On the contrary
, focusing on one’s preferences, one of the best ways to respect the new
country
 where we settle is
attendance
Wrong verb form
to attend
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 the culture day.
For instance
, some
country
 celebrates Thanksgiving. It has historical roots in religious and cultural traditions, the blessing of the harvest and of the preceding year.
Moreover
, following the new customs
help
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helps
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newcomer
Fix the agreement mistake
newcomers
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 avoids misunderstanding in communications, learn new things , and get familiar with the social culture. When
talk
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talking
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 with an American, we should see directly into his eyes , and once visited a relative
in
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apply
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there, as a custom in their
country
 bringing a small gift. In conclusion, in my point of view, it is understandable that following the new
country
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country's
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 customs and traditions
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 foreigners to socialize , and faster adaptation inside the local population,
as well as
 preserve our national identity.
Submitted by mellindanur.octavia on

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task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt and lacks clear comprehensive ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay shows some coherence and cohesion, but there are issues with the logical structure and supporting main points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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