IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to resolve environmental problems is to increase fuel and vehicles’ prices. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

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Some environmental activists argue that the rise in automobiles and fuel
prices
Use synonyms
 is an essential strategy to solve global issues centred the global warming,
while
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 many conservative politicians oppose
this
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 statement. It may be true that high
oil
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prices
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 would temporarily constrain CO2 emission from mobilities,
however
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, in my opinion,
this
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 is not a sustainable solution but a
First,
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heightening
oil
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prices
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 will not change our lifestyle in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long term and there are more effective measures that should be prioritized. We highly depend on fissile fuels which emit greenhouse gases in our daily lives.
For instance
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, more than 75% of total energy demand is produced by thermal power stations, which use fissile fuels.
For taking
Change preposition
To take
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further
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 steps on global issues our consuming lifestyle must be transformed
to
Change preposition
into
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 that of
humble
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humility
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 in several ways
instead
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 of
oil
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 price control.
For instance
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, public places
such
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 as libraries and schools can cultivate locals' consciousness of environmental issues.
In addition
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, the government and financiers can encourage investment in eco-friendly technologies including renewable energy sources. That effect lasts for decades and truly
facilitate
Correct subject-verb agreement
facilitates
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 us to tackle these overwhelming concerns.
Next,
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the sudden rise in fuel
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 will cause an economic downturn leading to mass dismissal. When the
oil
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 price is high, people tend to save money and refrain from purchasing or travelling,
that is
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 tourism, manufacturing and restaurant business will earn less amount of profit and investment.
As a result
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 of poor sales performance, many companies will have no choice but to lay off a
considerate
Replace the word
considerable
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 number of employees. In fact, the previous
rising
Replace the word
rise
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 in
oil
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prices
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 caused a huge economic turmoil called the
Oil
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 Shock in the late 20th, which increased the unemployment rate to the top level.
To sum up
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, high
oil
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prices
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 do more harm than good. There are many tactics to deal with global warming and what is worse, the sudden rise in
oil
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 price may
arise
Verb problem
cause
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 economic decline and massive layoffs.

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task achievement
Ensure that all your ideas are directly linked back to the main topic and thesis statement. Although your response is generally clear, some paragraphs could be more explicitly tied to your overall argument.
task achievement
Polish some of the language for clarity and precision. For example, 'constrain CO2 emissions from mobilities' could be clearer if rephrased slightly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. While the structure of the essay is logical, a few transitional phrases might help with coherence.
coherence cohesion
Watch out for some grammatical inaccuracies, such as 'mass dismissal' - consider 'mass layoffs' instead.
task achievement
You have presented a compelling argument with well-supported ideas, demonstrating critical thinking and the ability to analyze the problem from various angles.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with a clear structure that includes a solid introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion that reiterates your main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Environmental problems
  • Fuel prices
  • Vehicle emissions
  • Sustainability
  • Public transportation
  • Alternative energy sources
  • Innovation
  • Government intervention
  • Renewable energy
  • Commuting
  • Low-income individuals
  • Disproportionate effect
  • Resistance
  • Pushback
  • Infrastructure
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