Some people think that the best way to resolve environmental problems is to increase fuel and vehicles’ prices. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?
Some environmental activists argue that the rise in automobiles and fuel
prices
is an essential strategy to solve global issues centred the global warming, while
many conservative politicians oppose this
statement. It may be true that high oil
prices
would temporarily constrain CO2 emission from mobilities, however
, in my opinion, this
is not a sustainable solution but a
First,
heightening oil
prices
will not change our lifestyle in a
long term and there are more effective measures that should be prioritized. We highly depend on fissile fuels which emit greenhouse gases in our daily lives. Correct article usage
the
For instance
, more than 75% of total energy demand is produced by thermal power stations, which use fissile fuels. For taking
Change preposition
To take
further
steps on global issues our consuming lifestyle must be transformed to
that of Change preposition
into
humble
in several ways Replace the word
humility
instead
of oil
price control. For instance
, public places such
as libraries and schools can cultivate locals' consciousness of environmental issues. In addition
, the government and financiers can encourage investment in eco-friendly technologies including renewable energy sources. That effect lasts for decades and truly facilitate
us to tackle these overwhelming concerns.
Correct subject-verb agreement
facilitates
Next,
the sudden rise in fuel cost
will cause an economic downturn leading to mass dismissal. When the Fix the agreement mistake
costs
oil
price is high, people tend to save money and refrain from purchasing or travelling, that is
tourism, manufacturing and restaurant business will earn less amount of profit and investment. As a result
of poor sales performance, many companies will have no choice but to lay off a considerate
number of employees. In fact, the previous Replace the word
considerable
rising
in Replace the word
rise
oil
prices
caused a huge economic turmoil called the Oil
Shock in the late 20th, which increased the unemployment rate to the top level.
To sum up
, high oil
prices
do more harm than good. There are many tactics to deal with global warming and what is worse, the sudden rise in oil
price may arise
economic decline and massive layoffs.Verb problem
cause
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task achievement
Ensure that all your ideas are directly linked back to the main topic and thesis statement. Although your response is generally clear, some paragraphs could be more explicitly tied to your overall argument.
task achievement
Polish some of the language for clarity and precision. For example, 'constrain CO2 emissions from mobilities' could be clearer if rephrased slightly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. While the structure of the essay is logical, a few transitional phrases might help with coherence.
coherence cohesion
Watch out for some grammatical inaccuracies, such as 'mass dismissal' - consider 'mass layoffs' instead.
task achievement
You have presented a compelling argument with well-supported ideas, demonstrating critical thinking and the ability to analyze the problem from various angles.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with a clear structure that includes a solid introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion that reiterates your main points.
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