IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The money spent by governments on space programs would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #governments #space #programs #services #schools #hospitals
Nowadays, due to
technology
Replace the word
technological
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 advancement
space
 exploration
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 have increased in
third
 nation countries and
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 spend vast sums of money on
space
Add an article
a space
show examples
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
. In my opinion,
this
 is a waste of money, and the budget should be allocated for public
services
. There are several reasons for reducing
space
 programs expenditure.
Firstly
, it is extremely expensive to train scientists and provide equipment, and building a
space
 station
also
 comes at a huge cost to the government.
Secondly
, if one of the
space
 exploration projects fails, a large amount of
of
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
money and time will be wasted and some scientists may even lose their lives. An objective example is the
Space
 Shuttle Challenger broke apart 73 seconds into its flight and all seven astronauts were killed in the crash.
Finally
, If the
space
 programs
Add a missing verb
are complete
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complete
Wrong verb form
completed
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 successfully, do not benefit normal people in
daily
Correct pronoun usage
their daily
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 lives; it just shows the power of
Add an article
the politician
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politician
Fix the agreement mistake
politicians
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.
On the other hand
, if governments allocate
this
 budget
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 social community
services
, people benefit more often. These facilities are cheaper than
space
 exploration,
for example
, the cost of building a school cannot be compared to a
space
 station. People need hospital and school
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their daily lives,
hence
 these impact on
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
 in society. If
this
 amount of spending is allocated to social
services
, the quality of life will be improved, so poverty will be decreased and social welfare will be increased. In conclusion, the expenditure that authorities have spent on
space
 programs should be used for developing public
services
 to improve human life.
Submitted by cena.m.89 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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