IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that too many resources and attention are devoted to the protection of wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #resources #attention #protection #animals #birds
It is thought by some people that the amount of focus and attention specialized to the conservation of
animals
 and
birds
 is more than what it should be. I completely disagree with
this
 idea and will give my reasons below. Nowadays, owing to people’s wrong habits, a majority of
animals
 and
birds
 are in danger of extinction.
Firstly
, air pollution which is caused by factors including private transportation, a huge number of companies, and so forth have had a detrimental effect on the natural habitat of
animals
 and
birds
.
Secondly
, deforestation, which is caused by human ignorance of nature, lead to
animals
’ and
birds
’ death from hunger.
Therefore
, we should consider the fact that
animals
’ lives are as valuable as humans’ lives and try our best to protect them. Alongside the influence of destroying natural
animals
’ habitats, haunting
animals
 and
birds
 would increase the risk of their extinction . Hunters hunt
animals
 and
birds
 for their meat, skin, and so forth.
Moreover
, they earn money by caging and selling
animals
 and
birds
. Some of them may be put in cages in different zoos all around the world without giving enough resources and attention. In conclusion, we should allocate more attention and resources to
animals
’ and
birds
’ lives to prevent the danger of their extinction.
Submitted by sepidehmehrpour on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: