In some countries, online shopping is replacing shopping in stores. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In contemporary society, there have been immense advances in technology and there is no denying the fact that people prefer to shop online
instead
of going to buy in stores.
Therefore
, in some nations, stores are replaced by online shopping.
This
essay will discuss both sides of the controversy, and my opinion will be provided. On the one hand, advocates of
this
proposition believe that online shopping has benefits for them.
It is clear that
although
people want to buy something which makes it difficult to buy or far from them whether aboard or in other cities, they can obtain the merchandise through ordering in online shopping.
For instance
, they can purchase whatever they need from the Amazon site.
Moreover
, individuals can compare goods between two applications
such
as Shoppe and Lazada, which convinces their decision.
On the other hand
, despite the many advantages of
this
matter, there are a number of negative aspects that cannot be ignored. It is obvious that
this
idea is increasing costs for both customers and consumers.
For example
, owners of the shop have to pay for little things
such
as packaging, application fee, and advertisement, meanwhile, buyers have to pay for delivery fee which depends on distance.
Also
, the obtainer does not confirm that the merchandise they purchase will be broken or not because that In conclusion, in some regions, there is a wide range of stores in which the Internet is a result of industries becoming more advanced.
Thus
, after analysing these arguments, I trust that even though
this
shop makes it convenient to purchase,
this
matter
also
has disadvantages for consumers.
Submitted by champperkhu on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical flow and clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. Your paragraphs appear somewhat disjointed, making it difficult for the reader to follow your argument seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Always include an introduction and a conclusion. While your essay contains these, the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points or clearly state your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with specific examples and explanations. Your essay provides general opinions but lacks detailed examples that would solidify your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure to address the task fully. Although your essay somewhat addresses the topic, the final paragraph is abruptly cut off, and the conclusion does not restate your opinion or summarize the key points discussed.
task achievement
Express clear and comprehensive ideas. Your sentences are often convoluted, which makes it difficult for the reader to understand the ideas you are trying to convey. Strive for clarity and simplicity in your writing.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to back up your arguments. There is a lack of concrete examples that directly support your points. This makes your essay less convincing and leaves the reader questioning the validity of your claims.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unparalleled convenience
  • remote areas
  • wide range of products
  • broad selection
  • price comparison
  • customer satisfaction
  • value for money
  • impact on local businesses
  • economic diversity
  • job losses
  • environmental implications
  • packaging waste
  • carbon emissions
  • carbon footprint
  • data privacy
  • cybersecurity
  • personal data
  • tactile shopping experience
  • immediate gratification
  • physically examined
  • robust measures
  • consumer information
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