IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

‘Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible arguments on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

#‘some #people #children #time #families #arguments #side #support
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It is advocated by some when
children
Use synonyms
 have free
time
Use synonyms
 they should be with their families, while some are of the opinion that
this
Linking Words
 idea is inconvenient and has an adverse
influnce
Correct your spelling
influence
 on them. I agree with the argument that if
children
Use synonyms
 find
free
Add an article
the free
a free
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 they should be on their own so that as a person they can be less connected with their families in a good way and can obtain individual ideas.
First
Linking Words
 of all, the majority of parents want to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with their
children
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, if
this
Linking Words
 situation is not excessive it may
poses
Change the verb form
pose
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 connection, but sometimes these times exceed the limits. If ones spend every free
time
Use synonyms
 at early ages, they tend to be too connected with their parents and whenever they decide to do something there won't be one decision her or his mother and father get involved with the topic,
therefore
Linking Words
, they will see a lot of harm in the long term.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if
children
Use synonyms
 acquire that they don't have any obligation to devote
time
Use synonyms
 for their relatives. Especially during the adolescence period
invidiual
Correct your spelling
individual
 thinking comes up and they start to individualize, yet ones who deeply
attaches
Change the verb form
attach
show examples
 relatives around him or her
this
Linking Words
 period will confuse their minds. Regardless of the love parents give to their
children
Use synonyms
, they may put them in a dire state undeliberately. A
further
Linking Words
 reason why
this
Linking Words
 is detrimental to them is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
this
Linking Words
pose
Change the verb form
poses
show examples
 a serious challenge for self-confidence and in the shortage of self-reliance they will always feel insecure
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
 every phenomenon. Briefly, while some think to force or learn
children
Use synonyms
 to devote every free
time
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 with their families is an obligation whereas some part of the society
find
Change the verb form
finds
show examples
 that problematic. I
think
Add the particle
tothink
show examples
 enable ones at early ages, to illustrate they have a personality
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when they have a chance they should stay alone and make
decision
Add an article
a decision
the decision
show examples
 as an individual.
Submitted by meliike.bekcii on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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