IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are most successful. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #individuals #money #society #scientists #teachers
The opinion is divided on whether wealthy
people
 are most successful. Others believe that successful
people
 give contributions to
society
 as scientists and teachers. In
this
 answer, I will look at the reasoning of both camps before arriving at a reasonable conclusion. Those
people
 with a more materialistic view of personal success think of wealth as a means to raise the standard of living for themselves and their families. With
this
 goal in mind, they consider that social contribution is inappropriate if one cannot provide for their family.
This
 often happens to successful writers and artists who struggle at
first
.
For example
, some famous Vietnamese poets or writers often write about their financial struggles, whose wives have to work hard to make up for their low and unstable incomes. Taken seriously from
this
 angle, proponents of
this
 view argue that these men have failed in roles of family, regardless of their contribution to the field and to
society
.
In contrast
, those who are able to provide for their families by educating their children well, and taking care of their parents, despite contributing little, are more successful.
Nevertheless
, there are only a few cases.
On the other hand
, it is argued that
people
 who contribute to the community are the most successful.
To begin
 with, not all wealthy
people
 gain their money legally because they may commit crimes to make profits like trading heroin and money laundering.
Therefore
, these cases cannot be considered as successful despite their richness.
Besides
,
people
 like scientists and teachers, who contribute to
society
 are believed to be the most successful in terms of their in-depth knowledge and high social status. To be more specific, being a scientist or a teacher is not easy, so
people
 have to spend a long time and effort acquiring knowledge so that they can satisfy the requirements of those high-level jobs.
Therefore
, they will receive respect from other
people
 and be recognized as the most successful in
society
. In conclusion, being rich can be considered to be successful,
however
, I think that
people
 who contribute to
society
 are the most successful ones.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial prosperity
  • capitalizing
  • luxury travel
  • exclusive experiences
  • contributions to society
  • humanitarian workers
  • lasting impact
  • highly subjective
  • cultural, societal, and personal values
  • comfort and security
  • deeper personal satisfaction
  • holistic understanding
What to do next:
Look at other essays: