IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #work #organisation #life #organisations
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Most people
work
Use synonyms
 for
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 company's in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 lifetime , while others prefer to switch firms. I recommend that employees should change their organization and may follow the same profession .
This
Linking Words
 is because to avoid lethargic
work
Use synonyms
 life and enjoy greater benefits in their professional life. On one hand , most workers consider monetary and
non- financial
Correct your spelling
non-financial
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 benefits ,they retrieve for working in long durations of years under
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 enterprise . To elaborate , higher pensions and salary savings with benefits
such
Linking Words
 as insurance , medical bill
claim
Fix the agreement mistake
claims
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 will be rewarded for senior
Use synonyms
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 in the institution.
Also
Linking Words
 , they may be promoted
for
Change preposition
to
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serious
Add an article
the serious
a serious
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 and trustworthy
position
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positions
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, referring to their loyalty.
Finally
Linking Words
 .
Use synonyms
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
Staff
show examples
 stationed under
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 office will feel convenient about the atmosphere with
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 peers. So , they have a psychological bond
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the labour force , which will keep their idea of an organization change at arm's length.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , few
staffs
Use synonyms
 understand that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
major
Add an article
a major
the major
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 part of their life is spent in
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 .
Hence
Linking Words
 ,dealing with
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
Use synonyms
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 and
monotonous
Add an article
the monotonous
show examples
process
Fix the agreement mistake
processes
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 will be boring .So , they prefer to switch organizations frequently .
In addition
Linking Words
 to that , white-collar workers , who tend to replace offices , tend to have enhanced learning
experience
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experiences
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 along with exploring wider career opportunities around the globe.
As a result
Linking Words
 , they adapt to agile
work
Use synonyms
 culture and dynamic environment changes . Eventually , these types of workers end up in better leadership positions with high income than
Use synonyms
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 who are staying in the same company. Conclusively , each above options have their own pros and cons.
However
Linking Words
 , in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 an employee should change their
organizations
Fix the agreement mistake
organization
show examples
, at
Correct your spelling
least
show examples
lease
Correct your spelling
least
show examples
couple
Correct article usage
a couple
show examples
 of times in their tenure.
Consequently
Linking Words
 ,
this
Linking Words
 will lead them to explore
wider
Correct article usage
a wider
show examples
 horizon of career progress along with versatile
work
Use synonyms
 exposure to become an effective employee.
Submitted by elmorajamani on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Longevity
  • Corporate ladder
  • Adaptability
  • Comfort zone
  • Professional network
  • Diverse skill set
  • Industry exposure
  • Innovation
  • Resilience
  • Seniority
  • Job market
  • Career trajectory
  • Company culture
  • Professional growth
  • Job security
  • Promotion prospects
  • Cross-functional experience
What to do next:
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