IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Today parents spend little free time with their children. Why is it the case? Who are more affected: parents or children?

#parents #time #children #case
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is true that in the contemporary scenario,
children
Use synonyms
 receive little care from their
parents
Use synonyms
 in their spare
time
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay is devoted to analyzing the roots of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and presents whether the adults or the
kids
Use synonyms
 are more affected. The main reason for the case that I would opine is the lack of family
time
Use synonyms
 of some
parents
Use synonyms
. It could be explained more clearly that their hectic schedule is the key factor, which deprives the quality
time
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 supposed to spend on gathering among family members. The growing intensive competitive
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 market, actually, put huge pressure on the breadwinners to earn a living for the whole family, which may have a heavy toll on their health on both aspects including physical and mental.
This
Linking Words
 is considered the major cause for their incapability of spending free
time
Use synonyms
 with their
kids
Use synonyms
 as their condition is so bad that they cannot suffer anymore Obviously, the effect on
children
Use synonyms
 is more than that of their
parents
Use synonyms
 due to the fact that
kids
Use synonyms
 who are not nurtured carefully would grow up with obstacles.
First
Linking Words
 of all, their
parents
Use synonyms
’ neglect of their
children
Use synonyms
 would lead to their lack of love and care, which wreaks havoc on
kids
Use synonyms
’ souls and minds at a young age.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Japan where most adults work as hard as a bee without having family
time
Use synonyms
, the suicide rate is notably high especially in adolescents putting up with depressions that are considered to attribute to their loneliness caused by the lack of communication with
parents
Use synonyms
 and friends.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 action would create no room for carefully educating the
children
Use synonyms
, which results in their low level of appropriate awareness. The
kids
Use synonyms
 would have bad
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 as there is little parental guidance, which could even trigger a potential criminal in the future. All in all, some reasonable justifications are pointed out along with the more adverse impact on
children
Use synonyms
. There should be several equivalent solutions to address the alarming problem.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: