IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that mobile phones are harmful for children, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #phones #children
People hold different views as to whether mobile
phones
 are detrimental to
children
 or not. In my opinion,
this
 depends very much on how the
phones
 are used and how that use is supervised as to whether they are harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
children
 or not. On the one hand, some people think
children
 can be harmed by using mobile
phones
 mainly because the games and apps found on
phones
, which are mostly not educational, can easily become addictive.
This
 results in
children
 engaging less in healthy physical activities and spending less time on homework, both of which can have dire consequences in the long run.
Furthermore
, using mobile
phones
 exposes
children
 to unmonitored social media platforms where predators might be lurking in wait by taking advantage of the anonymity offered online.
On the other hand
, mobile
phones
 can actually protect
children
 by allowing
parents
 to track their geographical location and contact them immediately if necessary. Never before have
parents
 been able to know the exact whereabouts of their
child
 minute by minute.
In addition
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instant communication provides essential security for
children
 in times of crisis.
Lastly
, mobile
phones
 do allow access to educational apps specifically created for
children
 which, if used wisely, can
further
 their education.
Finally
, I believe that if
parents
 monitor how the
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
 is being used by their
child
, it can be beneficial for a
child
's development. By blocking certain social media sites,
parents
 can be sure their
child
 is safe whilst being online.
Moreover
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
setting time limits on how long their
child
 can use the phone means that it will not interfere with a
child
's educational development and will avoid any form of addiction. In conclusion,
children
 are only at risk when using a mobile phone if they are not being supervised and are not given strict guidelines to follow which are set by their
parents
.
Submitted by mohabbat.asadollah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive screen time
  • health problems
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • disrupted sleep patterns
  • inappropriate content
  • addiction
  • reliance
  • impair
  • social skills
  • educational tools
  • digital literacy
  • mitigated
  • parental guidance
  • safeguards
  • responsible use
  • monitored
  • development
  • benefits
  • risks
What to do next:
Look at other essays: