IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that mobile phones are harmful for children, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #phones #children
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People hold different views as to whether mobile
phones
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 are detrimental to
children
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 or not. In my opinion,
this
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 depends very much on how the
phones
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 are used and how that use is supervised as to whether they are harmful
for
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to
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children
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 or not. On the one hand, some people think
children
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 can be harmed by using mobile
phones
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 mainly because the games and apps found on
phones
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, which are mostly not educational, can easily become addictive.
This
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 results in
children
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 engaging less in healthy physical activities and spending less time on homework, both of which can have dire consequences in the long run.
Furthermore
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, using mobile
phones
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 exposes
children
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 to unmonitored social media platforms where predators might be lurking in wait by taking advantage of the anonymity offered online.
On the other hand
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, mobile
phones
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 can actually protect
children
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 by allowing
parents
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 to track their geographical location and contact them immediately if necessary. Never before have
parents
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 been able to know the exact whereabouts of their
child
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 minute by minute.
In addition
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,
the
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apply
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instant communication provides essential security for
children
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 in times of crisis.
Lastly
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, mobile
phones
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 do allow access to educational apps specifically created for
children
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 which, if used wisely, can
further
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 their education.
Finally
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, I believe that if
parents
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 monitor how the
Correct your spelling
smartphone
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smart phone
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smartphone
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 is being used by their
child
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, it can be beneficial for a
child
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's development. By blocking certain social media sites,
parents
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 can be sure their
child
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 is safe whilst being online.
Moreover
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,
by
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apply
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setting time limits on how long their
child
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 can use the phone means that it will not interfere with a
child
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's educational development and will avoid any form of addiction. In conclusion,
children
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 are only at risk when using a mobile phone if they are not being supervised and are not given strict guidelines to follow which are set by their
parents
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.
Submitted by mohabbat.asadollah on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive screen time
  • health problems
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • disrupted sleep patterns
  • inappropriate content
  • addiction
  • reliance
  • impair
  • social skills
  • educational tools
  • digital literacy
  • mitigated
  • parental guidance
  • safeguards
  • responsible use
  • monitored
  • development
  • benefits
  • risks
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