IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#figures #show #crime #youngsters #age #psychologists #reason #children #parents #teachers
Recent figures present violent crime that young
people
 who are under 18 years old commit increases. Some psychologists claim that the cause for
this
 occurrence is that parents and teachers do not teach them appropriately. I disagree with
this
 statement as I think there are other important factors.
Therefore
,
this
 essay will discuss them. Nowadays, young
people
 spend most of their time doing activities with friends, so I think that environment that they live in and
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 around them have a negative effect on them. If their friends do something badly, and everyone ignores that action, children will learn that it is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right thing and do it.
For example
, my classmate, Betty, go to a club even if she is not 20 years old. She can go there as her friend suggests borrowing others’ identical
card
Fix the agreement mistake
cards
show examples
. At
first
, she was concerned that the club’s guard may know it is not her real card, but she still go there as many
people
, including her friend, do it. It can bring young
people
 to do something worse without realizing what they did can affect someone.
Moreover
, punishment of children is not as heavy as that of adults. If they violate the law, they are fined and warned at least.
As a result
, youngsters repeat it. You can clearly see that some groups who have been punished are more likely to do it in a few days. To sum up, teaching is one of
factors
Add an article
the factors
show examples
, but it is not a key factor. I believe that
people
 whom they interact with,
such
 as friends, and light penalty are motivations of the action.
Submitted by palmpppm on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: