Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#figures #show #crime #youngsters #age #psychologists #reason #children #parents #teachers

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Recent figures present violent crime that young

people

Use synonyms

who are under 18 years old commit increases. Some psychologists claim that the cause for

this

Linking Words

occurrence is that parents and teachers do not teach them appropriately. I disagree with

this

Linking Words

statement as I think there are other important factors.

Therefore

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

essay will discuss them. Nowadays, young

people

Use synonyms

spend most of their time doing activities with friends, so I think that environment that they live in and

Use synonyms

people

Correct article usage

the people

show examples

around them have a negative effect on them. If their friends do something badly, and everyone ignores that action, children will learn that it is

Correct article usage

the

show examples

right thing and do it.

For example

Linking Words

, my classmate, Betty, go to a club even if she is not 20 years old. She can go there as her friend suggests borrowing others’ identical

card

Fix the agreement mistake

cards

show examples

. At

first

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, she was concerned that the club’s guard may know it is not her real card, but she still go there as many

people

Use synonyms

, including her friend, do it. It can bring young

people

Use synonyms

to do something worse without realizing what they did can affect someone.

Moreover

Linking Words

, punishment of children is not as heavy as that of adults. If they violate the law, they are fined and warned at least.

As a result

Linking Words

, youngsters repeat it. You can clearly see that some groups who have been punished are more likely to do it in a few days. To sum up, teaching is one of

factors

Add an article

the factors

show examples

, but it is not a key factor. I believe that

people

Use synonyms

whom they interact with,

such

Linking Words

as friends, and light penalty are motivations of the action.

Submitted by palmpppm on Sun Nov 14 2021

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

269 words

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