IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph illustrates the proportion of
jeep
Fix the agreement mistake
jeeps
show examples
 owned by a household in the United Kingdom over a 40-year period beginning in 1990. Overall, data on
one
Use synonyms
 transportation increases during the time, as did data on
two
Use synonyms
 or more
wagon
Fix the agreement mistake
wagons
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, no convertible changes the most between 1990 and 2030. As can be seen from the graph, no ride was the highest number out of three data points with up to 50%, followed by around 40% for
one
Use synonyms
 vehicle and more than 10% for
two
Use synonyms
 or more autos in 1990. After 15 years, the share of
one
Use synonyms
 auto reached a high of 55%. No pickup truck,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, witnessed a significant reduction of more than 15%. Aside from that,
two
Use synonyms
 or more automobiles hit the lowest mark at 9% Between 2005 and 2030, there was a significant change in. the number of automobile owners. By 2030, it is predicted that the rate of
one
Use synonyms
 limousine will have dropped to 41
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, while the rate of no van will have dropped to less than 20 per cent.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the capacity of
two
Use synonyms
 or more automobiles increases fast by more than 30%.
One
Use synonyms
 automobile is the most expensive,
two
Use synonyms
 or more
van
Fix the agreement mistake
vans
show examples
 are the
second
Linking Words
 most expensive, and no car is the least expensive. In comparison to 1990, the number of people who own
one
Use synonyms
 passenger car has increased by roughly 5%, while the proportion of people who own
two
Use synonyms
 or more
ride
Fix the agreement mistake
rides
show examples
 has increased by 30%, while the proportion of people who do not own a car has decreased dramatically from more than 50% to 15%.
Submitted by vesta241007 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: