Many people buy unnecessary things and get into debt when they do not need them. why people who buy extra things are getting into debt and discuss possible solutions.

todays

Change noun form

today's

show examples

day and age, people tend to hoard many unwanted materials irrespective of their needs which leads them to financial instability. In my opinion,

this

phenomenon is

due to

various

factor

Fix the agreement mistake

factors

show examples

such

as peer pressure, social media, inability to let go

off

Replace the word

show examples

their belongings

due to

emotional attachment. The aforementioned issue will be

disscussed

Correct your spelling

discussed

in detail in the following passages

along with

its remedy.

Firstly

, people tend to buy things aimlessly these days,

that is

because they follow trends on social media and get influenced by

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

. If certain celebrities or

influencer's

Change noun form

influencers

show examples

endorse particular

product

Fix the agreement mistake

products

show examples

, individuals tend to buy them blindly without considering their

useage

Correct your spelling

use

For Example

, my sister who is 22 years old, is addicted to

make up

Correct your spelling

make-up

show examples

products. She might have 4 red

color

Change the spelling

colour

show examples

lisptick

Correct your spelling

lipstick

Change preposition

show examples

her vanity yet, she ends up purchasing a new one because her idol

suggest

Change the verb form

suggests

show examples

her

Correct pronoun usage

she

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

posses

Correct your spelling

possess

show examples

it.

This

leads to

over spending

Correct your spelling

overspending

show examples

her monthly income and

as a result

, she does not have enough funds for her emergency needs.

Secondly

people

Add the comma(s)

people,

show examples

these days live for other

individuals

Change noun form

individuals'

individual's

show examples

acceptance & acknowledgement. They wanted to possess what their

peirs

Correct your spelling

peers

pairs

are owing so that they

can

Wrong verb form

could

show examples

be accepted into their desired circle. To exemplify, my friend who has medical needs, still chose to buy

Correct article usage

an iphone

show examples

iphone

Correct your spelling

iPhone

in EMI, so that he can impress his friends which

potray

Correct your spelling

portray

portrays

him as

irresponsible

Correct article usage

an irresponsible

show examples

human. In

oder

Correct your spelling

order

to overcome

this

issue, One should educate themselves financially, meaning what they can afford and what is out of their reach.

In addition

, they should

also

analyse what is their income and expenditure. Adults need to learn to control their temptation towards materialistic things and should start spending responsibly and mindfully. Every product

that is

purchased should serve its purpose.

Value

Correct article usage

The value

show examples

of money should not be belittled. All in all, in the way of acquiring

product

Add an article

a product

the product

show examples

, one should now end up overspending and

loose

Replace the word

lose

show examples

money

unneccesarily

Correct your spelling

unnecessarily

for

irrelavent

Correct your spelling

irrelevant

things. Everyone should understand that every penny saved is every penny earned.

Submitted by u.umayal92 on Thu May 16 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph is clearly focused on one main point. The essay touches upon several causes and solutions, but they could be more clearly delineated.

task achievement

Review your writing for grammatical and spelling errors. Words such as 'lisptick,' 'peirs,' and 'oder' are misspelled. Additionally, pay attention to sentence structure to improve clarity.

task achievement

Expand on your examples to make them more relevant and specific. For instance, provide more context on how exactly social media influences purchasing decisions.

coherence cohesion

Make sure your conclusion ties back to the points raised in the essay and reinforces your argument clearly. Your conclusion does a good job summarizing, but it could be more impactful.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure the argument.

task achievement

You have included specific examples to support your points, which is commendable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

329 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

Consumer culture
Impulsive purchases
Financial literacy
Retail therapy
Sustainable living
Minimalism
Psychological tricks
Credit facilities
Debt cycle
Budgeting tools

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
Completing a university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Nowadays, a lot of people, think that getting a univercity education is the most effective way to get a good job, while to other people expirience and improvement of soft skills is more eficient. Both of these steps are higly important but to my mind, developing of soft skills is more...
4.5
band
Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Serious social problems can appear to the surface when move to a new place that have different language and you should to talk a foreign language, as well as practical problems. In my perspective, I totally agree in this case, since language is a method to communicate with others.
5.5
band
Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Working cultures are various in different countries. European and American countries are regarded as having less (fewer) working hours than Asian countries. While some people claim that longer working hours can allow the country to have better economic development than the nations that have shorter office hours, I personally disagree with this nation, as I will elaborate the following.
4
band
Many people believe that social networking sites such as Facebook have a huge negative effect on both society and individuals. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
In the recent years social media has invaded the lifestyle of many people, It has its advantage and disavantages. However the majority think that it brought more harm than good, especially Facebook. In this essay, both sides will be explored before evaluating whether the benefits outweighs the drawbacks.
7
band
A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. What extent do you agree.
Some people believe that authority has to ensure public safety by increasing funds and spending on the military, at the expense of social welfare. In my opinion, I disagree with this idea, the welfare of society comes in the first place of government duty, unless there is a direct threat to the nation's security.

Many people buy unnecessary things and get into debt when they do not need them. why people who buy extra things are getting into debt and discuss possible solutions.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Completing a university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that social networking sites such as Facebook have a huge negative effect on both society and individuals. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. What extent do you agree.