IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people buy unnecessary things and get into debt when they do not need them. why people who buy extra things are getting into debt and discuss possible solutions.

#people #debt
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In
todays
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today's
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 day and age, people tend to hoard many unwanted materials irrespective of their needs which leads them to financial instability. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon is
due to
Linking Words
 various
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
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such
Linking Words
 as peer pressure, social media, inability to let go
off
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of
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 their belongings
due to
Linking Words
 emotional attachment. The aforementioned issue will be
disscussed
Correct your spelling
discussed
 in detail in the following passages
along with
Linking Words
 its remedy.
Firstly
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, people tend to buy things aimlessly these days,
that is
Linking Words
 because they follow trends on social media and get influenced by
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. If certain celebrities or
influencer's
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influencers
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 endorse particular
product
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products
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, individuals tend to buy them blindly without considering their
useage
Correct your spelling
use
.
For Example
Linking Words
, my sister who is 22 years old, is addicted to
make up
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make-up
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 products. She might have 4 red
color
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colour
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lisptick
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lipstick
in
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on
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 her vanity yet, she ends up purchasing a new one because her idol
suggest
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suggests
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her
Correct pronoun usage
she
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to
Change preposition
apply
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posses
Correct your spelling
possess
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 it.
This
Linking Words
 leads to
over spending
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overspending
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 her monthly income and
as a result
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, she does not have enough funds for her emergency needs.
Secondly
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,
people
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people,
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 these days live for other
individuals
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individuals'
individual's
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 acceptance & acknowledgement. They wanted to possess what their
peirs
Correct your spelling
peers
pairs
 are owing so that they
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 be accepted into their desired circle. To exemplify, my friend who has medical needs, still chose to buy
Correct article usage
an iphone
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iphone
Correct your spelling
iPhone
 in EMI, so that he can impress his friends which
potray
Correct your spelling
portray
portrays
 him as
irresponsible
Correct article usage
an irresponsible
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 human. In
oder
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order
 to overcome
this
Linking Words
 issue, One should educate themselves financially, meaning what they can afford and what is out of their reach.
In addition
Linking Words
, they should
also
Linking Words
 analyse what is their income and expenditure. Adults need to learn to control their temptation towards materialistic things and should start spending responsibly and mindfully. Every product
that is
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 purchased should serve its purpose.
Value
Correct article usage
The value
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 of money should not be belittled. All in all, in the way of acquiring
product
Add an article
a product
the product
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, one should now end up overspending and
loose
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lose
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 money
unneccesarily
Correct your spelling
unnecessarily
 for
irrelavent
Correct your spelling
irrelevant
 things. Everyone should understand that every penny saved is every penny earned.
Submitted by u.umayal92 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is clearly focused on one main point. The essay touches upon several causes and solutions, but they could be more clearly delineated.
task achievement
Review your writing for grammatical and spelling errors. Words such as 'lisptick,' 'peirs,' and 'oder' are misspelled. Additionally, pay attention to sentence structure to improve clarity.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to make them more relevant and specific. For instance, provide more context on how exactly social media influences purchasing decisions.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your conclusion ties back to the points raised in the essay and reinforces your argument clearly. Your conclusion does a good job summarizing, but it could be more impactful.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure the argument.
task achievement
You have included specific examples to support your points, which is commendable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumer culture
  • Impulsive purchases
  • Financial literacy
  • Retail therapy
  • Sustainable living
  • Minimalism
  • Psychological tricks
  • Credit facilities
  • Debt cycle
  • Budgeting tools
What to do next:
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