IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that every nation should concentrate on agriculture to develop. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #nation #agriculture
It is said that
countries
 should focus on
agriculture
 to grow. I disagree with
this
 opinion because nations still can develop if they invest in other areas like technologies, industries and t
Fix the agreement mistake
tourism
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ourisms.
Correct your spelling
tourism
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 There are several benefits when governments concentrate on
agriculture
.
Firstly
, developing
agriculture
 will improve the farmer’s quality of living.
This
 is particularly the case for agricultural
countries
 which apply modern technologies and machines to p
rocess
Add an article
the process
show examples
of producing
agriculture
 in order to increase yields and quality of products.
This
 leads to farmers earning more income to pay for the cost of living.
Secondly
, concentrating on agricultural development will enhance national stance internationally.
This
 is because agricultural products will be exported and be allowed to strict markets like Europe, America if the governments invest in organic farming to produce agricultural products which meet high-standard.
However
, in my view, governments should not solely focus on
agriculture
 to grow. Primarily, national revenue will not s
table.
Add a missing verb
be stable
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This
 is largely detrimental, particularly for
countries
 w
hich
Correct pronoun usage
that
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depend crucially on
agriculture
 because changing c
limate
Change the noun form
climates
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such
 as floods, prolonged droughts and diseases will destroy millions of tons of valuable crops.
Furthermore
, t
he a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gricultural development will greatly aggravate the climate crisis.
This
 links to an increase C
O2
Change preposition
in CO2
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emissions in the atmosphere when f
amers
Correct your spelling
farmers
clear new forest land to expand their farms by logging and firing forests.
For example
, according to a survey by Vietnam express newspaper, in Vietnam, in 2019, an increase 1
0%
Change preposition
of 10
show examples
 t
he
Change preposition
in the
show examples
amount of CO2 emission in Vietnam was recorded in 2018, in which logging activities to plant accounted for 4% in the figure. To conclude,
although
agriculture
 p
lay
Change the verb form
plays
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an i
mportance
Replace the word
important
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role in d
evelopment
Add an article
the development
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of every n
ations,
Change to a singular noun
nation
show examples
 I believe that
countries
 should concentrate on other areas to develop.
Submitted by Andy on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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