IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others say that economic growth is damaging the environment so it must be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #growth #hunger #poverty #environment
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Some people are of the opinion that a great way to mitigate famished and impoverished
rate
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rates
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is
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it
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grows
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to grow
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 the
economy
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.
However
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, some others are opposed to
this
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 idea, claiming that increasing
economy
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 is negative
Correct your spelling
effects
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affects
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effects
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 on natural environments. Both views are true to some
extents
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extent
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, but I believe the former is more rational. I can understand
some
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apply
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why
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of why
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 people believe that
rising
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the rising
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economy
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 has an adverse effect on the
environments
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environment
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 as well as human beings. It is mean that the development of industrial zones and individual corporations to promote trade leads to releasing a mass of emissions into the general air or industrial waste discharging out rivers and oceans.
Consequently
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, the air and source of water are polluted and threaten
to
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apply
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humans’ health.
Furthermore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental pollution is cause lowering biodiversity not only for plants but
also
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 for animals.
For example
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, fish in many rivers in the vicinity
the
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of the
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 industry areas tend to
died
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die
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 due to toxic wastes that
emitted
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are emitted
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 into
habitat
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their habitat
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 and directly affect
in
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apply
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their respiratory system
of
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apply
show examples
them
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apply
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.
On the other hand
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, there are several arguments why I support the statement that starvation and poverty would be addressed when
Use synonyms
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 thrives and expands.
First
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 of all, the development of
Use synonyms
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 leads to
rising
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a rising
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 government’s budget that
used
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is used
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 for
education
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 and welfare aims as well as
support
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supporting
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 those who are in difficult circumstances. Highland areas of Vietnam,
for instance
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, where the majority of children don’t inherit an adequate and quality
education
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 and they live in
an
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apply
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extreme weather, concerning of policymakers help them to improve
better
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the better
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 condition in
rising
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raising
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 the level of
education
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 and living standards, leading to ensuring their later life
that
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is
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is not burdened
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not
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no
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 burden to the society.
Secondly
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,
Use synonyms
economy
Replace the word
economic
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 growth
generate
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generates
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 a lot of job opportunities for those
at
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with
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 unemployed status or low level of
education
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.
This
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 can lead to lowering
unemployed
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the unemployed
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 rate and increasing gross domestic products. In conclusion,
my
Correct pronoun usage
I
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believe
Replace the word
belief
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 that the development of
Use synonyms
economy
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the economy
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 has negative
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effects
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affects
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effects
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 on environmental resources.
However
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, it
also
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 plays an important role in
Add an article
a
the
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growing
Use synonyms
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 and addressing
a part burdens
Correct the article-noun agreement
part burdens
a part burden
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 of society.
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