IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others say that economic growth is damaging the environment so it must be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #growth #hunger #poverty #environment
Some people are of the opinion that a great way to mitigate famished and impoverished
rate
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rates
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is
Correct your spelling
it
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grows
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to grow
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 the
economy
.
However
, some others are opposed to
this
 idea, claiming that increasing
economy
 is negative
Correct your spelling
effects
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affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
 on natural environments. Both views are true to some
extents
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extent
show examples
, but I believe the former is more rational. I can understand
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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why
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of why
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 people believe that
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
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economy
 has an adverse effect on the
environments
Fix the agreement mistake
environment
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 as well as human beings. It is mean that the development of industrial zones and individual corporations to promote trade leads to releasing a mass of emissions into the general air or industrial waste discharging out rivers and oceans.
Consequently
, the air and source of water are polluted and threaten
to
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apply
show examples
humans’ health.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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environmental pollution is cause lowering biodiversity not only for plants but
also
 for animals.
For example
, fish in many rivers in the vicinity
the
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of the
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 industry areas tend to
died
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die
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 due to toxic wastes that
emitted
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are emitted
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 into
habitat
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their habitat
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 and directly affect
in
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apply
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their respiratory system
of
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apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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.
On the other hand
, there are several arguments why I support the statement that starvation and poverty would be addressed when
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 thrives and expands.
First
 of all, the development of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 leads to
rising
Correct article usage
a rising
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 government’s budget that
used
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is used
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 for
education
 and welfare aims as well as
support
Wrong verb form
supporting
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 those who are in difficult circumstances. Highland areas of Vietnam,
for instance
, where the majority of children don’t inherit an adequate and quality
education
 and they live in
an
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apply
show examples
extreme weather, concerning of policymakers help them to improve
better
Add an article
the better
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 condition in
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
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 the level of
education
 and living standards, leading to ensuring their later life
that
is
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is not burdened
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not
Correct your spelling
no
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 burden to the society.
Secondly
,
economy
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economic
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 growth
generate
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generates
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 a lot of job opportunities for those
at
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with
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 unemployed status or low level of
education
.
This
 can lead to lowering
unemployed
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the unemployed
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 rate and increasing gross domestic products. In conclusion,
my
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
believe
Replace the word
belief
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 that the development of
economy
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the economy
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 has negative
Correct your spelling
effects
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affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
 on environmental resources.
However
, it
also
 plays an important role in
Add an article
a
the
show examples
growing
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 and addressing
a part burdens
Correct the article-noun agreement
part burdens
a part burden
show examples
 of society.
Submitted by haovtm14401 on

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