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Band 5

As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children’s social behaviour and that of adults? To what extent are the changes that take place good?

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Children
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 generally base their process of development on observation and learning from others, especially those close to them. In
this
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 way, their mind develops gradually, resulting in changes in social manners.
This
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 essay will elaborate on the distinctions of behaviours in society between immature and mature ones
as well as
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 their positive influences on the young generation. First of all, there is no doubt that
children
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, with their innocent mindsets, are inclined to do everything without calculations or assessments.
For instance
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, they will play or talk with someone whom they like, regardless of his or her social position or age. Adults,
on the other hand
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, tend to assign much weight to the partners’ achievements when they decide to build up the relationships.
This
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 leads to the second difference between young minds and older ones.
Due to
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 the indifference of
children
Use synonyms

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 to social matters, their manners seem to be more straightforward than that of adults. Unlike mature people who might consider themselves inferior to those who bring them benefits, little kids treat everyone in the same way because they are
unconscious
Correct word choice
unaware

There may be an adjective issue here.

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 of the rations for behaving distinctively.
Such
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 changes like
this
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 are inevitable when a toddler grows up.
However
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, whether they are good or not depends greatly on the degree to which
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 comprehend the reason for doing so.
Therefore
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, in order for the positive effects to take place, appropriate instructions and guides should be provided.
For example
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, when becoming teenagers, pupils need to be aware that they should show respect to those older than them, not just someone putting a good impression on them. When they are fully developed as adults, they should be told to be more attentive to potential clients who help them earn their living.
Nonetheless
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, what is important is that the bonding between them and
customers
Correct pronoun usage
their customers

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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 is collaboration, which means they should prove their merits
instead
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 of lowering themselves. In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

’s adaptions to how to treat people properly result from the influence of the individuals they are closely connected to. If parents want their kids to grow up becoming
Correct article usage
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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kind of person behaving well, they should mind
Change preposition
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Correct article usage
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about
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
Correct article usage
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It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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manners before teaching their little ones.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the main differences in social behavior between children and adults. Additionally, the conclusion should effectively summarize the key points and provide a final perspective on the changes.
task response
It is important to fully address the essay prompt, focusing on the main differences between young children’s social behavior and that of adults, and evaluating the extent to which these changes are beneficial. Ensure that each point made is directly relevant to the topic and that examples and evidence demonstrate a clear understanding of the differences in social behavior between children and adults.
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